Wretched, wretched movie!

Ten things I would rather do than EVER watch this movie again:



1) Leap over the fence and into the lion enclosure at the zoo, you know - just for fun!

2) Be force-fed brussel sprouts alternating with celery sticks for 10 days straight.

3) Be stuck in an elevator for 12 hours with Jerry Springer, Britney Spears, Howard Stern and Sandra "super-simple" Lee.

4) Glue my eyes open with Super Glue.

5) Go on a liquid diet of nothing but CAT-scan contrast for a week or so.

6) Watch a 24 hour marathon of something like "Rock of Love with Bret Michaels" or pretty much anything on the Game Show Network.

7) Crouch down in a patch of poison ivy to relieve myself.

8) Go swimming in the shark-abundant Great Barrier Reef with loads of shiny jewelery, a bright brand-new surf board, oh... wait! I can't swim...

9) Take a month long tour of a malaria-infested shanty town somewhere in Africa.
Hey, maybe Angelina will go with me!

10) Volunteer at a over-capacity, wall to wall, ridiculoulsy jam-packed day care center for any length of time whatsoever.

*Believe me when I say this movie is crud. A stain on the resume of everyone involved. Complete and utter rubbish.

I can't even waste time writing a synopsis about it because well, I can't get the hour & a half back that it took to watch this dreck, so why waste your time having you read about it. Suffice it to say, I thought it would start getting good at some point.... My misconception is your blessing in disguise.

Can you tell I hated it?

A bit of pop culture.

I guess I do feel a bit bad for Sarah Jessica Parker. Recently she was at the top of a list that Maxim magazine compiled of the Ugliest Women. I mean, how rude is that? I'm sure she's a lovely person (at least on the inside, despite rumors to the contrary) and I think Maxim is full of crap for having that list in the first place.
A list of beautiful women is one thing, but why single women out as ugly?
However.



SJP is not overly attractive, to be sure. I've always kinda wondered why people find her so sexy. I actually always thought she'd be perfect in a remake of The Wizard of Oz. I'll let you guess which character.



Sorry, Sarah. Don't worry, I'm not beautiful either! We all can't look like Halle Berry!

Maxim compared her to a horse - in particular a few of my favorite horses - Barbaro and Secretariat. What up? I take serious offense to them comparing her to a couple of the most strikingly handsome equines of the last 50 years.


Barbaro


Secretariat

I'm not likin' that correlation at all. You know how I feel about my horses!

But honestly....
I think Maxim would have been better off picking someone else. I don't think SJP is the ugliest just cause she has a long face and 'witchy' look.
I think Britney Spears (who was a bit further down on the list) looks MUCH worse than SJP.



I mean, at least SJP always looks put together, is respected, a decent actress, and to my knowledge hasn't done any of the following: run anyone's feet over, hung out barefoot at a gas station, cried on the curb, shaved her head, hit paparazzi with an umbrella, drove a car with her kids on her lap, forgotten her underwear, had a drunken marriage in Vegas, or barricaded herself and her child in her house illegally.

And if we're simply going on looks - I submit this for your consideration:


Seriously! Just what the hell was Antonio Banderas thinking?????

From the Best-Selling novel...

The Kite Runner is based on the major best selling novel of the same name by author Khaled Hosseini.



It tells the story of two boys - one from a prominent and wealthy family and the other their servant - growing up together in pre-Taliban Afghanistan. Seems like something you might not want to see? Give it a chance. I read this book last year and couldn't take my eyes away from it. It was engaging, honest, sad, and most of all - interesting - and I loved it!

The two boys, shy, bookish Amir and happy, spirited Hassan, have become as close as brothers over the years. The movie and book's title comes from an annual tournament of kite flying, which both boys (and apparently pretty much everyone else in Kabul) have a passion for. The trick is to manuveur the strings to cut the other competitors kite strings, therefore gaining respect and notoriety within the town.
Amir and Hassan, as a team, have just won the contest and Hassan goes to 'run' down the kite. Unfortunately, Hassan runs into a gang of neighborhood bullies who proceed to cause him harm - I won't say how - and Amir, who was lagging behind in the chase, comes upon the act of violence but does nothing, preferring to hide in the shadows and then run away. Hassan does not notice that his friend has seen this incident.

In shame and regret, Amir takes it upon himself to find a way to get Hassan (and Hassan's father who has devoted several years of his life to Amir's family ) to leave their home. Amir figures he can live easier with the guilt of what happened if Hassan is not around to remind him.
His scheme works, and soon after they are gone, the Soviets are advancing on Kabul, forcing Amir's family to leave Afghanistan - eventually relocating some years later to the west coast of the USA.

In California, nearly 20 years later, Amir and his father have struggled for many years - obviously not able to replicate the wealth of their former existence. But Amir graduates from community college and is well on his way to a career in writing. He meets the girl of his dreams, asks her father's hand (as is still custom in the middle east) and they are married but are unable to have children.

Amir then receives a phone call from an old family friend from Afghanistan who has relocated to Pakistan and tells Amir he must come "home". He gives him good reason, and the story continues to follow his quest overseas, back to his war-ravaged homeland to retrieve the respect he lost, to pay the debt he owes Hassan, and to change his own life, forever.

I highly recommend this movie. My husband thought he wouldn't want to watch it at all, but he sat through it - even with subtitles in some parts - and he enjoyed it as well. It is something completely different, and while I won't say it was better than the book, it does follow it quite closely and is as moving and affecting. The young boys playing the role of Amir and Hassan were great. The supporting cast - in particular Amir's father - were stellar as well.

And if you like the movie, consider reading the book. It was the first book in a long time that I wanted to carry everywhere I went, in case I got a few moments time to read...

Into The Mist....

See my review of "The Mist" on my new horror-oriented blog:

http://www.fascinationwithfear.blogspot.com/

Curlin Dominates The World!!

Today I couldn't be happier to report that the 2007 Horse of the Year has done it again! It seems this horse just keeps getting better and better.
Winning yet again on an international level, 4 year old Curlin romped by nearly 8 lengths in the Dubai World Cup - the world's richest horserace (worth 6 million dollars) -today.


Dubai Racing Club/Andrew Watkins photo

Trained in the good ole' US of A by Steve Assmussen for majority owner Jess Jackson (of Kendall-Jackson wine fame), Curlin was up against some of the very best horses - 11 of them - on any continent and showed them what it takes to be a true champion. He is a freak, and I mean that in a good way. He broke from post 12 - from which no horse has ever won this race - and barrelled down the stretch in the final seconds of the race, after stalking the competition the entire backstretch.

Curlin is a son of Smart Strike and was quite the horseracing hero before ever setting foot on foreign soil, winning the Preakness Stakes, Jockey Club Gold Cup, and Breeders' Cup Classic - among other races - in one fantastic year. He also came in third in the Kentucky Derby and second at the Belmont Stakes. An unbelievable feat. He never raced as a 2 year old, making his accomplishments seem all the more grand.
He is now third on the all-time career earnings list behind only Cigar ($9,999,815) and Skip Away ($9,616,360). He has earned $8,807, 800. Not bad for 8 wins from 11 total starts, eh?

Besides being a stellar racehorse, he is a beautiful thoroughbred. Take a look at this shot.



Congratulations to all of Curlin's connections and have a safe trip home. I can only assume the (Kendall-Jackson) wine will be flowing tonight!!

Curlin - Best wishes to you throughout 2008 and hope to see you defend your title at the Breeders' Cup Championships this fall.

Ten Random Piss-offs

I've been doing some thinking lately (uh-oh!) and I've thought of some random things that piss me off.

1) People who leave their shopping carts in parking places instead of the 'cart-caddy'. Now I know alot of you are probably guilty of this, so I'll just say if you are ever with me, you'd better not do it or you'll never hear the end of it. Nothing irks me more than trying to pull into a space and seeing a freakin' cart blocking the place. People are just plain lazy. And no, I don't care if it's raining. What are you - the Wicked Witch of the West?

2) Don't get me wrong, I understand there are lots of people who need monetary public assistance - I really do know this and support it - but when people on welfare use their little welfare-check-credit-cards and buy something little then ask the clerk for all the change- then they head right for the cigarettes, booze, and lottery tickets. So basically they are using our money, people - because we are the ones supporting them you know, it's our taxes - to get drunk, get cancer (which sets their medical assistance into high gear), and blow money. Ugh.

3) People who sneeze -or worse yet- cough, and don't cover their mouths. Do I need to elaborate on this travesty?

4) People who let their dogs poop in my yard. What the hell? I have a neighbor who always carries a little walmart bag or something and scoops her dog's poop - and I have to say right now, I'm her biggest fan. So here's a shout out to Napolean and his owner. Thanks.
Now, the rest of you - pick up your do-do!!!! Or at least don't let them poop on private property! And remember, the owner of the house might be looking out their window when you commit this crime, and you may have a load of poop at your front doorstep someday. Hint Hint.

5) Here's something that has to piss everyone off at one time or another. Tell me why - in plain English so I can be sure to understand - why a Coke at the movies costs six bucks! And Twizzlers cost $5.00! Don't get me started on popcorn. I can go to Wal-Mart and buy five packages of Twizzlers for five dollars! Why the mark up? This is why I don't go to the movies too much in the summer. No jackets or heavy clothes to stash my M & Ms or Skittles, let alone my bottle of Pepsi.

6) While we're discussing the theater, explain what part of "please turn off your cell phones" you don't understand? There is more light than during 'Dream On' at an Aerosmith concert when I am at the movies. The cell phones are always on. I know I've touched on cell phones before, so I won't do that again. But suffice it to say, why do you people pay 10$ a ticket so you can come in and text message people the whole way through a movie. TTFN, ok? UR St2pid.

7) And shut up for God's sake. I rarely go to a movie rated anything below R anymore. Anything PG-13 or under and you have to contend with a hundred giggly, retarded teenyboppers. And I mean age 15 and under. Anyone over that age probably drove there and has a date. They are usually quiet for one reason or another. Nothing I hate more than people who talk the whole way through. That means you, Mr "I've-seen-this-before-you-gotta-see-this-next-part-she's-gonna-get-killed-you-should-cover-your-eyes"!!!!! Play by play is for sporting events.
Ditto the discussion of where you should go to eat afterwards, or the topic of your sister's VD or whatever. Just shut up, alright?

8) Movie rant over. On to foreign trade. Yes, it pisses me off. Is everything made in China these days or is it just me? I can pick nearly anything in my house up and it says made in China on it. How prolific are these people? They can make anything from a bobble-head to a sweater to a lampshade to a laundry-basket to a calendar of recent US presidents. What the hell? Good thing they make decent take out or I'd really be pissed.

9) You know who pisses me off? No, not Tom Cruise (but good guess). Mel Gibson. I really used to like the dude. Loved 'Lethal Weapon'. Great flick. 'Mad Max'? I get why people like it. 'Signs'? Yeah, I even liked that. Let alone the great (though its historical accuracy has long been disputed) film that is 'Braveheart'..... but he has gotten so damn looney in recent years.
That whole thing with him making anti-semitic remarks to that cop when he got pulled over for a DUI. His father apparently not believing that the Holocaust existed (what?!) makes you wonder what Mel really does think about Jews. He's long been rumored to be rather homophobic. And we all know he's a recovering alcoholic - that's fine, but to lie in judgement of so many other things?
Then there's his 'private' Catholic church - seems he believes the Roman Catholic church today isn't doing things right - and so he's just the man to make things correct. I'm not even Catholic and I think that's crap.
And now he's apparently having dinner with Britney Spears. Just keeps getting weirder and weirder. I just don't know if I'll see another of his films again. 'Course I didn't see 'The Passion of the Christ' or 'Apocalypto'.... has he made anything since then? Whatever.

10) Ten hot dogs in a package. Eight buns in a package. You do the math.

Rock on!

One of my favorite guilty pleasures these days is catching the weekly episodes of American Idol. For some reason me & the hubby just can't stop watching. We were absolutely not going to watch it this year and then the writer's strike happened and nothing was on tv and well... there you go.

Each year, we almost always end up liking the rockers. (A few seasons ago, we were {are} huge Chris Daughtry fans, and were devastated when he got voted off prematurely. 'Course that all turned out ok, eh?)
This year is no different. Initially, I thought Michael Johns would be our pick of the year, and though we still like him, this past month has had us totally rooting for David Cook.

He is unique, true to his style, and let's just say he knows how to choose arrangements and make a blase, run-of-the-mill, or forgotten song memorable. His take several weeks ago of Lionel Richie's 80's sap-fest "Hello" had us practically jumping up and down in our seats. He rocked it out with an alternative spin on it and made it sound airwave ready! He followed that up with alt-rock versions of two Beatles classics - "Eleanor Rigby" and "Day Tripper", and this week -his best yet - with the Chris Cornell version of that old moonwalking MJ tune, "Billie Jean".

If you think Idol is just little teenagers with big voices, you are sadly mistaken.
Even if you don't watch the show, you owe it to yourself to go to http://www.americanidol.com/ and check out the playbacks of his performances.
You might as well get used to hearing the name David Cook, because even if he doesn't win (and believe me, you don't really need to) the whole she-bang, this boy is going somewhere!
Rock on!

HAPPY EASTER!!!

The two sides of Javier Bardem

First up is this years Oscar winning Best Picture, 'No Country for Old Men'.

This is a dark, understated film. Joel and Ethan Coen have made other quality movies, including the Oscar winning 'Fargo" - so you know you're in for some good stuff. Based on a (great) book by Pulitzer Prize winning Cormac McCarthy ('The Road'), its presentation is sometimes taken word for word from the source material.

The short synopsis: In west Texas, Llewellyn Moss (Josh Brolin) is out hunting and runs across a drug deal gone bad- complete with a load of dead thugs and a satchel containing 2 million dollars. Naturally, he throws morality aside and takes the money, which in turn has him being chased down by not only the local sherriff (the always first-class Tommy Lee Jones) as well as the ferocious and relentless hitman Anton Chigurh (Oscar winning Javier Bardem).

What can I say? Bardem is absolutely chilling as Chigurh. Not since Hannibal Lecter in 'The Silence of the Lambs' has a character been more frighteningly violent and without conscience. A psychopath in every stretch of the word.

This movie is certainly NOT for everyone. Besides the obvious risk of giving children a permanent need for therapy if exposed to this gem, it is a slow-moving film, with little action in some sections. The scenery is vast and stark - cinematography was wonderful. The action that is there is ruthless, punishing and brutal. Graphic violence abounds in some parts.
But at the heart of the story, to me, is Bardem. He's so evil you're almost rooting for him! He defines immorality. He is an amazing actor, and there will be no shortage of work for him in the future.

One word of warning. If you have read the book, you will find no fault with the ending, as it is decidedly the same. But if you've not turned the page, the ending might leave you feeling a little provoked. That's all I'm saying.



Next is 'Love in the Time of Cholera', a film I can only assume most people have not seen and more than likely will not see - unless, perhaps, you have read the incredible best-selling novel by Nobel Prize winning Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

Of course, anything with "love" in the title is going to send most men to their gameroom or den to revel in all things Bruce Willis. ("Let the women have their sappy romances - we don't want any part of it. Let's watch Die Hard again!")

This is a movie for women, I think. And even then that is being generous. An adaptation of one of the best novels in recent times would be a mind-boggling task, to be fair, but this movie only touches on some of what made the book so extraordinary. Put bluntly, it is too hard - at least in this case - to shove this novel into such a short amount of time.

The story is rather simple: Young Florentino (Javier Bardem) falls instantly in love with Fermina (Giovanna Mezzogiorno) and they exchange love letters. Her father (John Leguizamo) disapproves of her choice and moves them away and out of touch - and soon introduces her to her future husband - a local (and strikingly handsome) doctor played by Benjamin Bratt. Florentino, upon discovering she has married, is heartbroken and begins a long journey through a sea of women, being sure to keep count and add descriptions of his rendezvous along the way. He has pledged to always love Fermina, and tells anyone listening that he is waiting for her husband to die so he can announce his everlasting dedication to her and be with her at last.

Sound crazy? It seems a bit strange, yes. It was written so much better by Marquez and didn't seem so ridiculous, a man announcing his 622nd (!) conquest- yet believing he has an undying devotion to an unobtainable woman.

At the end of the somewhat boring melodrama, things do come together in a relatively satisfying manner, but getting to it is a bit tiresome.

However, I doubt a better actor could have been cast as the heart-sick Florentino than Javier Bardem. (ok, maybe Antonio Banderas, but he isn't as good an actor). What a different side he shows of himself in this film - a side we can assume is more like his actual self than the bloodthirsty Chigurh from No Country. He is brilliant in the role, and without him, it would have been a lost cause. The makeup effects (because of the vast time period of years covered) were passable, but in some cases almost scary. Bardem's were the best done, thank goodness. The scenery is truly gorgeous, showing off the natural beauty of Cartagena, Columbia. It is almost enough to save the film, but in all reality, Bardem does that.

In conclusion: No Country for Old Men - must see
Love In The Time of Cholera - not fantastic, not awful

HAPPY ST.PATRICK'S DAY!!

Caught with his pants down

Now this is a classic look:

(AP)

So what was this dude thinking right about then?

He's no doubt thinking he can't believe he GOT CAUGHT making visits to the upscale ho-house he frequented.
I'd say the Governor's mansion in New York will be up for grabs... quicker than you can say 'fuhgeddaboutit".
Don't you just love politicians?

I can't believe his wife stood by him and didn't kick him in the daddy parts right there on national television. Who would've blamed her?

His poor (three) teenage daughters. Won't school be fun now? No need for any morality classes, they're home-schooled on that subject.

Shame on you, Governor (or should I say 'soon-to-be-former governor") Spitzer.

Pyro-Mania !!

Pyro does it again!

(photo credit AP/ http://www.bloodhorse.com/ )

Today in the Louisiana Derby (gr.II) at the Fair Grounds racetrack, Pyro made his case as a major Derby contender by winning in fine fashion. When it looked like all might be lost, he found his way between horses in the stretch and took off like a rocket, pulling away. It was another impressive win and certainly solidifies my choice for the Kentucky Derby on May 3rd. Needless to say, I'm psyched!
Next up for Pyro will probably be the Blue Grass Stakes at Keeneland Racecourse in Lexington, KY. in April.
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An honorable mention for today is Visionaire, another horse in my fantasy horseracing stable.

(photo credit: Coglianese/ http://www.bloodhorse.com/ )

He won the Gotham Breeders' Cup Stakes (gr.III) at Aqueduct Racetrack in NY today in unbelieveable fog. Like something out of a John Carpenter flick, the racecaller had to wait out the entire backstretch to tell who was where.
But it was Visionaire who found his way through the thick pea soup to cross the finish line a nose in front of Texas Wildcatter.
Visionaire is trained Michael Matz, the trainer of a horse some of you may have heard of : Barbaro.

Congrats to the winning connections of both horses.

Once...upon a time

I just saw a really charming movie called "Once", and really have to give it kudos.

It is a little movie - an independent film made for something like a hundred grand, over in Dublin (that's Ireland for you geography-phobes).
The story is of two people - an Irishman and a Czech immigrant girl who meet on the street. She is selling flowers, he is selling his voice. It takes hold of you from the start and pulls you into their world of various gloomy pasts and current woes. Music brings them together - they start writing and singing with each other and find the joy that is waiting for them, if they are only to open their hearts.

It does not end in typical Hollywood fashion, but to me, that only makes it more real. I thought it was lovely. The stars - Glen Hansard (of the Irish band, The Frames) and Marketa Irglova - are not movie stars. They are musicians. They wrote and performed all the songs from the movie.

It's a very nice, modern musical of sorts that just kind of reminds us that we should strive to achieve our dreams - they might not be so far away.
Can you tell I really liked it? However, if your only idea of a good movie is Star Wars x Titanic - Die Hard + The Matrix, then you'd better not even attempt it. But if your reach goes beyond Pirates of the Caribbean (mind you I love all those films) then you are set.

Anyway, the signature song from the film - "Falling Slowly", won the Oscar for Best Song this year, and their respective speeches was a highlight - a very humble acceptance - of the evening. I love the soundtrack as well. Highly recommended.

Congratulations!

Just have to say Congratulations to my brilliant, musically superior little brother, Bill - he scored a music scholarship for next year at Clarion University, where he will be a SENIOR (oh no!!!!!! I'm getting old)...
Way to go, bro!

Today's Limerick

There once was a sportsman named Ben
Who was looking to find his true zen
Steelers gave him more dough
And he couldn't say no
Black and gold on his shirt once again...

****************************************
Congrats to Ben Roethlisberger on the new contract -
that's an unreal amount of money!
Hope he's worth it.
GO STEELERS!!