Shopping with sarcasm

Things I observed on thursday when I went shopping and to the movies.
Sorry in advance, but ranting is my job.




*There are still some people out there that don't realize the left lane is the passing lane. They just put their car on cruise and hang out in the left lane the entire time. Twice thursday I actually passed people while I was in the right lane.

*On Route 28 South to Pittsburgh, there were four - count 'em, four - places where there were "End Road Construction" signs only to be followed in less than five seconds by another "Begin Road Construction" sign. Please tell me why they don't just place a sign that says "Eternal Road Construction" at the entrance to the South 28 exit. And keep in mind I only went as far as Tarentum, so there are no doubt four more signs (or more) on the remaining 12 miles into the city itself.

*Would it be entirely rude to outright slug those lotion hockers at those kiosks throughout the mall? No! You cannot ask me a f**king question. My hands are smoother than a baby's ass already so leave me alone. Damn!

*I witnessed a Middle Eastern woman (in traditional Indian/Muslim garb) buying a book about John Adams at Borders. She spoke with a horrific accent I could barely understand, so I don't think she was actually an American. I don't know why but I thought that was weird. She also bought a lined tablet. Taking notes, perhaps?

*It took two salespeople and one manager to make my Borders coupons go through at the cash register. And the coupons were sent to me directly through the Borders website cause I have a Borders Rewards card. Should I say DUH here or just chalk it up to casual stupidity and incompetence?

*It should come as no surprise to anyone that there are a lot of books about vampires right now. You can't swing a cat in Borders without coming in contact with reading material about the famous fanged folks. (Not that I mind, but wow - what a trend!)

*Did you know Bob Dylan has a Christmas CD out? I'm serious. You just can't make that stuff up.

*Marble Slab Creamery was closed on thursday due to some kind of machinery malfunction. Hope no one lost a hand in the ice cream maker. 'No, that's free raspberry swirl. Everyone gets some, it's today's special!"

*I'm always amazed at the people you'll find at the theater on a random thursday afternoon. The assortment included three teenaged boys (it was 12:45 pm - did they not have school?), an elderly gentleman carrying TWO containers of popcorn and a small drink, a middle aged couple dressed in winter coats (it was 70 degrees out), a 30-ish woman pushing a rather large old woman in a wheelchair, a college aged couple, a guy with a Hulk Hogan mustache, and yours truly. Frankly, an eccentric arrangement of strangers sitting down together to watch Paranormal Activity.

*Speaking of Paranormal Activity, the tag line on the poster says: "Don't see it alone!"
Whoops.
No one reprimanded me (or the other two loners) at the ticket window for coming alone. And I was still allowed to go in. AND, I lived. (Though the nausea I incurred due to the hand-held camera effects throughout the film had me about wretching in the aisles and popping Dramamine - thank god I had some in my purse! - about mid-way through.)
Demons and Nausea - what a combo!

*Upcoming movies that look worth it: The vampire film 'Daybreakers' (the return of scary vamps!)... 'The Road' (Viggo, Viggo, Viggo!) ... 'Disney's A Christmas Carol' (with Jim Carrey in the title role) ... and 'Sherlock Holmes' (I'm lovin' Robert Downey Jr. as the famed detective!). Soooo not worth it: 'Ninja Assassin' and non-movie 'Steven Seagal: Lawman!' (a new tv show coming to A & E this year..... didn't A & E used to stand for Arts and Entertainment?) I mean, WTF?

*I've decided there are no stores in Pittsburgh Mills that I enjoy going into except Borders. I've actually been known to go down there and not go into any stores except that one. I think I've just basically decided that I no longer like shopping.
Except for books.

*As unbelievable as it sounds, I actually heard 'Silver Bells' emanating from the Bon Worth (or Worthless, I rather think) store. Christmas cards are on sale at Borders. The Hickory Farms sign is up at their little piece of Xmas-time mall real estate. All the Xmas scents are out and packaged up all pretty-like at Bath and Body Works. And the Christmas trees are in the windows at American Eagle.
Can we really not wait until after Halloween? Is it possible to wait at least until The Spirit of Halloween store is closed for the season?
PUKE.

*Wal Mart is an ever-lovin' nightmare. Ah, but you knew that, right?
Between the dude that stole the Granny Smith apple I was just about to take to the cart that was resting ever so elegantly against my Jeep when I came back out to the parking lot... that place is a chamber of horrors. I just wish I was loaded so I didn't have to shop there.
Then again, I did just blow $200 on groceries and cat litter!

*There was a guy in the liquor store pushing a cart of alcohol down the aisles. A cart! A quick look from me at his purchases and I noticed he had all the makings of a very good party. Or a helluva hangover. I guess I never realized they had freakin' carts in the State Stores. Wow. I'll keep that in mind for when I buy my vat of wine at the holidays.

*The ride home had me listening to my CD purchase from Borders. And no, it wasn't Bob Dylan.
I have since decided I like the soundtrack to Twilight better than the just released New Moon. But then again, I've listened to the Twilight one about 4,756 times. And just once for New Moon. I am, however, really liking the Muse tune: 'I Belong To You' - very catchy! And the tune by Alexandre Desplat (who is obviously scoring the film) called 'The Meadow' is absolutely gorgeous. More of what I expected from Twilight's score but didn't get. If the rest of the score album is like this, it will be my fave score of the year.


*When I got home, I had to drag fifteen Wal-Mart bags and a ten pound container of cat litter inside. I think that's the part I hate the most. All those damn plastic bags. Each one with like, three items inside.


Okay, rant over.

Stirring up a storm of controversy...

I just heard something really weird.
The Weather Channel is going to start showing movies.

The. Weather. Channel.

Yep, you heard correctly.

Apparently this is going to be their new big thing for Friday nights at 8pm.

I read the lineup of some of the upcoming flicks: March of the Penguins. (Huh?) Deep Blue Sea. (Really?) Misery.

Yes, I said Misery. The Stephen King - Kathy Bates - James Caan fright fest. Hmm. I guess there is a snowstorm in the beginning. But wow, hope the kids aren't tuning in to check the weather for trick-or-treating when Annie Wilkes is slamming Paul's foot with a sledgehammer.

And what will happen to "Weather on the Eights"? Will this be their idea of commercials?

I did hear of one rather appropriate movie - The Perfect Storm. Okay, I get that one.

But Deep Blue Sea? That is essentially a horror movie. Sam Jackson gets eaten by a shark in the first hour, folks. But hey, there is an ocean in it. And frozen ice for March of the Penguins.

May I suggest more appropriate weather material?

How about Twister for God's sake? (Then we could all wonder if it was live or Memorex!)

Dante's Peak? The Day After Tommorrow? Hard Rain? Volcano? Firestorm? Wind Chill? Earthquake!

And if we're stretching? The Fog. The Mist. The Storm of the Century. Groundhog day? The Weather Man? Alive? (The dudes in the plane crash who had to resort to cannibalism...yeah, it would have helped tenfold if they hadn't have been stuck in the freakin' snow-covered Andes!)

How about Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs. Naaah, too new.

Or try these other ones for the kids: Eight Below. Cool Runnings. Snow Day. Alaska. Arctic Tale....
Hey! The Wizard of Oz had a great tornado.
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - a superior maelstrom if I've ever seen one.

You like romance? Hell, Nights in Rodanthe had a hurricane. Lots of rain during the best part of The Notebook, girls. A couple got struck by lightning in Sweet Home Alabama for God's sake. Now that's something you don't see every day, am I right? And I think it snowed somewhere during the course of When Harry Met Sally.

Some of the aforementioned movies above are horror. In addition to those, it rained throughout a greater portion of I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, didn't it? Bad weather impairs ALOT of people in horror. It was raining to beat the band when most of the counselors in Friday the 13th got killed. Ditto that for the end of Poltergeist. All those dead bodies in the mud.
Lotta rain in Psycho, too. Poor Marion never would have went off the road to the Bates Motel if it hadn't have been raining cats and dogs.

That family in The Hills Have Eyes would have faired so much better if they hadn't have been stuck in the desert heat. Oooo, and I almost forgot the mega snowstorm in The Shining. And The Thing. And 30 Days of Night. And The Last Winter. Do we include Jaws and Open Water because of the ocean? The sci-fi flick Sunshine? I mean hey, the earth was going to crash into the sun, people. Big news.

On that note, I used to know what the weather channel did last summer.

They told you the everlovin' forecast, that's what they did.

And if these movies aren't going to star Jim Cantore and Mike Bettes - I simply don't want to see them.

A random footnote: Sadly, I think I own quite a few of those movies listed above.

I'm so pathetic.

Lambert + Mega Movie + big hit x2

Just heard the 'to-be-released' song by Adam Lambert for the upcoming disaster flick 2012.
Sounds like it has the potential to be one of those "Man, am I really sick of that song" songs.
But so far, I like it.
And the movie looks tempting as well.
Check it out:



Clip courtesy : www.ew.com

Just a Saturday laugh

For all you romance novel devotees:



Bwaahahaha!

I found a bunch of these, so this is perhaps first in a series...

Recommended read...

First off, let me start by saying I'm not easily impressed by Hollywood stars (or any kind of "star" to be honest). Sure, I like the work of alot of actors/actresses, and just like everyone else, I follow along with their movies and all the unfortunate quips about their personal lives. After all, it's plastered all over the magazines at the checkouts, on the internet like a virus, and even on the National news when they think it merits attention.

But I'm not one to have a strong emotional response of any kind by a certain actor. (Well, except in the case of Johnny Depp, but I think you all are well aware of that addiction - and the emotional response for that matter!)

Fame is fleeting, and most actors (and by that I mean actresses as well) are utterly ridiculous. Complaining about their pay when they make hundreds of thousands - and even millions - of dollars for their work. (Hello? You're entertainment. You're not curing cancer or finding the remedy to rid the world of pollution.) Buying a purse for four thousand dollars or staying in ten-thousand-dollar-a-night hotel suites when most people could live off what actors spend on milk bones for their dog each year!
Let alone the promiscuity that begets the entire Hollywood scene. Seems someone's marriage is breaking up due to someone else's infidelity on a daily basis. Ugh.
My admiration is short-lived for people like that.

However, a select cluster of actors does have my respect. Such as Paul Newman (married over fifty years? Unheard of), Tom Hanks (long marriage, fantastic career choices on most counts), Johnny Depp (though quite a hellion in his younger years I have to admire his eccentric personality and devotion to only making the films he wants to), Clint Eastwood (well...it's CLINT, people.), and Leonardo Dicaprio (who, for a relatively young actor he hasn't had any of the tabloid crap and is a fantastic actor). As far as actresses, I'd go with Meryl Streep (for obvious reasons), Kate Winslet (superb choices, stellar acting), and Reese Witherspoon (who despite a rather public divorce still seems to be a genuinely decent person).
I'm sure there are others.

But to bring this long preamble to a close, what I'm trying to say is that alot of people in Hollywood (and by that I am speaking of NYC and everywhere else) are fickle, money-hungry, fame-seeking, embarrassingly unstable individuals.

So when I find someone whose acting I enjoy and whose personal choices I respect, I'm jazzed.

I've always liked Patrick Swayze. Loved his movies and had great respect for his long marriage (lengthy by even regular standards, not to mention Hollywood).
Not long ago on this very blog I waxed poetic about his accomplishments in cinema after his untimely death.
Knowing he had been writing an autobiography in the months before his death, I knew it was something I would want to pick up. Sadly, it was published post-mortem - but that only makes the tome more poignant and meaningful in my opinion.

"The Time of My Life" is written by Patrick and his wife of 34 years, Lisa Niemi. It is the story of his life, as one would assume.

Some of the highlights:

*Patrick was a Texas high school football star and was sitting on a possible college scholarship when his knee was ripped to shreds in a nasty hit. He was in a hip to toe body cast for months.

*He rehabilitated and then focused on gymnastics - intending to go on to the Olympics - but his knee wouldn't hold out.

*His mother was a famous dance instructor and had her own studio in Houston. Patrick danced from the time he could walk. He had every intention of having a ballet career and lived in NYC most of his early twenties, studying at a famous studio and making a life with Lisa, also a dancer.

*He met Lisa at his mother's dance studio when she was 15 and he was 18. She totally ignored him...at first.

*It was only when he turned down a lucrative ballet job (and an opportunity to dance alongside Mikhail Baryshnikov no less) due to his knee that he started to seriously consider an acting career.

*He has a passionate love of horses, and has even shown Arabians professionally until his fame from Dirty Dancing made it impossible to continue. He has also bought several of the horses he rode in various movies, including Red Dawn and North & South.

*His nickname from the time he was a small child was "Buddy" - his father was also called Buddy, so Patrick was "Little Buddy" for years.

*At one point in L.A., he and Lisa were so broke they had to survive on peanut butter sandwiches and oranges off a tree in their backyard.

*He was known for elaborate pranks on set.

*Lisa traveled with him to most movie sets over the entire course of his career - both because he wanted her there and in some cases she was also acting, or helping with choreography.

*Ironically enough, the small role he had in an episode of M*A*S*H was about a soldier who finds out he has cancer.

*His mother found out about Patrick's cancer from a National Enquirer reporter on her doorstep.

*His ranch near L.A. is called "Rancho Bizarro". He also owns another in New Mexico.

*He and Jennifer Grey both starred in Red Dawn - years before Dirty Dancing would catapult them both into super-stardom. She actually didn't like him much till near the end of the Red Dawn shoot.

*Patrick wrote 'She's like the wind' way back in 1979 - so when it hit the charts as a number one single in 1987 and someone else tried to take credit for writing it and sue him, Patrick had only to find the demo recorded back in '79 to set those claims to rest.

*He explains just exactly what a 'gender bender' is, and how much he hated it.

*Contrary to popular belief, he did not wreck his airplane in 2000 because he was drinking. He had hypoxia caused by a change in cabin pressure. He nearly died.

*He filmed the entire season of the recent AMC drama 'The Beast' while undergoing chemotherapy, also refusing to take pain killers while on set because he thought it would interfere too much with his acting and take away (or perhaps give him?) his edge.

Seeing as how I read (almost exclusively) horror/paranormal/fantasy and mystery/thrillers, I found this book refreshing, interesting, funny, and finally - ever so sad.
Actually, just reading the prologue (which includes prefaces written by both Patrick and Lisa) had me tearing up. Books never affect me like that - not enough to cry. But knowing that he lost his fight just weeks ago, it was kinda tough to take.

For me, there were so many reasons to enjoy this book. Tidbits of life on a movie set provide an insight you've probably never heard before, his open and honest feelings on his love of family just pour out, his great passion for horses is brought up throughout the book - obviously having a profound effect on his life (hell, there's a horse on the cover!), and most of all - his enthusiastic and lasting love for his wife comes through literally on every page. They had alot of tough times but they made it work, and work well.

Overcoming adversities at nearly every step, Patrick Swayze had an eventful, inspiring life. I'm generally not too keen on autobiographies, but this one I can recommend in a heartbeat.

Steeler-mania!

Steelers vs. Titans
Week 1 - September 10, 2009

So, after all the Steelers games I've been to in the past, I finally got the cahones to take my camera. I'm always afraid I'll forget it, lose it, break it, or have it confiscated. I don't know why.
But after I finally got my new camera last year, and it's so small - I decided to give it a whirl.

And right off, I have to thank the random dude in the Limus Sweed jersey for picking my purse (with camera inside) up off the damn sidewalk down by the river and tapping me on the shoulder to hand it back. My purse strap had broken and I didn't even know it. (And no, I wasn't that drunk!)
So, thanks random Steelers fan. You're the coolest of cool!
Steeler fans rock, by the way.

Okay, first off we have a few pics of the fandemonium that is Steeler football. What a bunch of lunatics. The walk to the stadium (from where we park way back at the parking garage near Firewaters Restaurant, which is a hike - past PNC Park and on) is a nice one if you take the route by the river.

There are tons of boats, ships, yachts - whatever. This is just a small example:



Just inside the entrance to Heinz Field:



Once in the stadium, I took this pic from the first level, looking down on one of the gates as the fans are going in:



One of the many parking lots where folks tailgate and such:



My uncle Shawn was there, playing before the game with the Kittanning Fireman's Band:



A beautiful shot of Heinz Field just as people are taking their seats and the players are warming up:



Another shot of the stadium:



A shot of the beautiful city of Pittsburgh:



The Steelers bench during the National Anthem:



Troy Polamalu on the jumbotron. Couldn't resist:



Ready to go...
And yes, the seats are high up there in peanut heaven, but man - you can see everything from up there:

The big, bad Steeler "D" (had to get Harrison #92 in a shot for the hubby):

A difficult shot of the stadium, taken by merging three photos. Not great, but you get the jist of it:

Shot of fans whooping it up:

Offense on the move:

Waiting for the next play, or possibly a tv commercial break:

Huddling:

Another commercial break?

Most popular jersey?

#43 - The jersey I also wore.

GO STEELERS!!!!

Too funny!

Now that's funny, I don't care who you are;)

R.I.P. Patrick Swayze

I couldn't let the day pass without a ode to Patrick.




I was so bummed to hear that he had lost his battle with pancreatic cancer. I suppose it was inevitable, but you always wish you'd hear those miracle stories, especially when it's someone whose work you truly enjoyed.

There are literally thousands of articles, remembrances and thoughts on his fight with cancer, his passing and his extensive body of work, so I feel no need to ramble about that.

More than anything, I just want to say I am quite sad. Not only was he a great actor, he was an active enviromentalist and humanitarian.
Perhaps his most impressive accomplishment, though, was his 34 year marriage to Lisa Niemi, whom he met when he was 19 and she only 15. How many "Hollywood marriages" can say they last that long? That's right, you can probably count them on one hand.



Patrick and Lisa

They had no children, and considered their vast array of horses and dogs their kids.

I was a big fan of his movies - probably seen them all. Naturally, most people would claim Dirty Dancing or Ghost as their faves, but I loved him best as Orry Main in the North and South miniseries back in the mid-eighties.



I remember myself and three of my friends sitting around the tv watching it, in awe of him. Makes me laugh now. But it was really good acting, and I'm proud to say I own the whole damn miniseries (N & S Books 1-3) on DVD. Yeah, baby.




Dirty Dancing (1987) holds a special place in my heart because it was the first movie I saw with my hubby. I should have known right there that any guy who'd see a chick-flick like that was worth keeping ;)



Of course the hubby's favorite will always be Road House (1989). And I'll admit to seeing that one so many times I can't even count. We own it on DVD (of course!) - but every damn time it's on tv (and that's ALOT, people!) my hubby is still glued to the screen.




{"I thought you'd be bigger"... "Yeah? I get that alot."}

Besides Road House, dramatic action movies like Red Dawn, Youngblood, The Outsiders, Point Break, Black Dog, and Next of Kin drew in all the guys, while girls need only watch Dirty Dancing or Ghost to swoon and fall in love.




So goodbye, Patrick. You were loved, and you'll be missed.




(Isn't this just the best photo of him?)

WE REMEMBER....



9-11-01

Strike a pose!

Had to share:




Oliver's strategically posed porno shot.

Travers triumph!

Whoo-hoo!
I love it.

Today was the fan-tab-u-lous Travers Stakes (gr. 1) at historic Saratoga Racecourse in New York.
And even though all eyes were on the return of the highly regarded Quality Road, I still went for the bird. And that was most certainly the wise choice.

Earlier last week, Mine That Bird was pulled from consideration for this race because he was still recovering from some minor throat surgery. So that left me the other bird to root for.
The Belmont Stakes winner, Summer Bird.
And he delivered.



Summer Bird wins the Travers
Coglianese Photos/Blood Horse

It was an extremely sloppy track, as just as much as it had rained here, it had rained there.
Messy, messy, messy. I always hate a sloppy track because the poor surface makes me nervous for the safety of the horses. But everything went quite well. Coincidentally, Summer Bird's sire, Birdstone (also Mine That Bird's sire) also won the Belmont and the Travers in 2004. How ironic.
Or should I say ICONIC?

Quality Road was trying to make an impressive comeback, as he has been out of contention for months. He was an early Derby favorite. But he just didn't fire today.

Summer Bird had a great trip, just cruising along till he made his move. He then proceeded to win by an easy 3 1/2 lengths. It probably cemented his favoritism for the 3 year-old colt of the year prize, unless Mine That Bird has something else up his sleeve - (like a Breeders' Cup Classic win???)...

Naturally I picked Summer Bird in my handicapping game, and had Quality Road second - but he ended up third. Oh well, I still had the winner.
And that is always cool.

I wonder what the winner of eight straight races - the formidable Rachel Alexandra -would have done to this group of boys. But hey, she's already beat the 3 year old colts.
Next week she runs against the older boys - in the Woodward.
I really think she is looking at Horse of the Year....unless something else occurs.

Wait for it...

Random thoughts

I got an email the other day that absolutely cracked me up.
I only wish I'd thought of these things myself. So when it says "I", please remember it is not me, but some sarcasm savvy guy. (Someone I think I could be great friends with!)

Enjoy:

Random Thoughts of the Day by Bob

1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

4. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

5. That's enough, Nickelback.

6. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

7. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

8. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

9. There is a great need for sarcasm font.

10. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

11. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

12. The other night I hit a new low at an open bar. I had already hopped on highway blackout when, inevitably I had to find a bathroom. Eventually I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk over there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We played that, Both go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to guide myself past and that's is when I realized, yup, that's a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the guy on the other side is me. Even cats can re cognize their own image.

13. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

14. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

15. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

16. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

17. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

18. Was learning cursive really necessary?

19. LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

21. My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

22. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

23. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

24. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,brothers!

25. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

26. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

27. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

28. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

29. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

30. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

31. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

32. Bad decisions make good stories.

33. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

34. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

35. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

36. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

37. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

38. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

39. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

40. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

41. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this. Ever.

42. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

43. While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.

44. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

45. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

46. When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

47. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

48. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

49. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

50. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

51. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

52. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

53. I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

54. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

55. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

56. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

57. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

58. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

59. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

60. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

Trailer for The Wolfman

Usually I post this kind of thing on my horror blog - and it is there - but thought I would put a link to it here.

The Wolfman movie starring Benicio Del Toro and Anthony Hopkins comes out 2-12-10 and wow does it look good!

Check it out here.

Babysitting, so to speak

The hubby has an extra job this week.

He's staying at my boss's house while they are away and more importantly, watching their pets.

Here's a couple pics of two of the four beasties living there:

Bubba and Duke (Mastiffs, both)

Bubba's in the red collar, Duke the blue.

Not that you can tell.

Though Bubba's a few years older than Duke.

Bubba weighs in excess of 200 pounds. Duke is just over a year old so he's only like, 180. ("only"...)

They look hulking and scary but they are big, sweet babies if they know you.

That said, I still wouldn't want to drive up their driveway to their house and see those two giants running up to my car. Yikes.

There is also an aging Golden Retriever and a new kitten at the house.

I'll get pics of them too.

If it ever stops raining.

Things I've realized

Because next week is my birthday, I guess I've been randomly thinking of some things I've realized in the last forty+ years.

So here goes the meanderingly long, random list.

*Celery still sucks. I remember my grandfather saying when I got older I'd like it, that it was just a "stage". Yeah, well I still don't like cooked cabbage, oysters, brussel sprouts, and pickled pigs feet either. Sorry Grandpap.

*I can still sleep in till 11am, if I wanted to. People always said I'd grow out of that - that I would become a "morning person" as I got older. Not so much. I'm up till at least midnight every night, and most nights I'm reading until at nearly one. I don't nap during the day, I don't fall asleep easily at night, and I apparently don't need much more than six hours sleep. Just lucky I guess. 'Course I'm not good for much before ten a.m. though.

*Unless there is an event of major proportions going on (such as a natural disaster or terrorist attack), I do not watch the news on tv. Sometimes I'll catch the local weather report, but I won't sit and watch the news from 11:00 until 11:22 just to see it. That's what the weather channel is for. I also don't read the paper. CNN.com is my friend in times of need.

*I wish I liked coffee cause everyone seems so enamored of it, but as of today I still don't. So no one need offer me a Café Au Lait or a Espresso Macchiato. I don't even want a plain cup-o-joe, 'kay?

*Most country music still turns me off. I tried to like it. I did. I even went to Wyoming and Montana in 1993, where apparently they've never heard of rock & roll and I had to listen to nothing but country for two weeks. But I still....don't.....like it. There are a few artists I can tolerate, such as Carrie Underwood and Little Big Town, and I actually like alot of Kenny Chesney's stuff (in particular the Jimmy Buffet-esque beach songs of his).... but overall, not a fan of the genre.

*I've never played "Bejeweled" and I don't have any desire to.

*Fresh cut grass still sends my allergies into a frenzy. So Dad, it wasn't just an excuse not to mow.

*I don't really like eating outside. I've come to this conclusion after years of really wanting to be a picnic person. My grandparents always took me for picnics at Cook Forest where we would sit out along the river at one of those picnic tables and dodge the abundant barrage of bees and bugs of all varieties. The only food I like outdoors is stuff over the campfire - hot dogs and marshmallows, that kind of thing - because voilà! - no bugs near a fire.

*I am not a BEER person. Hard truth - I don't like it. I tried. In high school - it was cheap. But I soon found out so was a fifth of grain split four ways. Every once in a (great) while I will order a Corona if I'm at a restaurant or something. But that's cause again, it's cheaper than ordering a shot of bourbon or a glass of wine for eight dollars.

*Unattractive people who are stars (be it movies, tv, sports, musicians, etc...) still get bombarded with indecent sexual proposals and offers. They have to beat people off with a stick. I mean, Michael Phelps? Seriously? John Mayer? Really? Maybe I just don't like guys with Frankenstein heads.
Do people honestly have posters of these guys in their room, in lieu of say - Johnny Depp (sorry he's my go-to guy) or even Robert Pattinson (who he himself does sorta have a Frankenstein head truth be told)....?
I know their accomplishments are what is so impressive. I'm not doubting that- I'm equally impressed with gold medals and Grammys. What I'm doubting is the amount of sleep I would be able to obtain with a poster of Michael Phelps looking at me across a room.

*I'm an obsessive person. Everyone who knows me knows this overly-obvious fact. It shows in alot of what I do. But even in the privacy of my own home, I am the same way. Ask my husband. I become obsessive about things at the drop of a hat. If I see a movie, say - Mamma Mia - I will suddenly listen to ABBA for three weeks non-stop. If I find I like white pizza better than red, I will order it exclusively for a month. When I discovered the author Laurell K. Hamilton, I read all seventeen of her vampire books in a month. It's just how I'm wired.

*I hate game shows. If pressed, I can only tolerate Jeopardy. And even Alex Trebek gets under my skin sometimes. He's gotten fairly arrogant over the years. Bet he's processed alot of that useless trivia, eh?

*People are annoying me more and more as I get older. I'd like to say I fear being one of those old hermits that heardly ever comes out of the house and scares small children, but hey - I don't fear it. I embrace it.

*To that effect, I hate crowds (well, except Steelers games!). I hate parties. I hate weddings, funerals, reunions, and any other event that requires me to be social. Sorry. Matter of fact, I am positive I could spend an entire month- maybe longer - in my house alone and not be bothered by it. As long as the food held out, that is.

*Your mom and dad actually aren't always right. You know how when you're younger, most adults will tell you that you don't know everything and that your parents are always right. About everything. That's not true. They're flying by the seat of their pants too, just like you. They're just older.

*I don't like stand-up comedians. That complaint does not include George Carlin. He was the I-Ching of comedy. I also like Eddie Murphy's early stuff. But to sit down and watch an uninterrrupted marathon of low-grade stand up on tv? Just put a bullet in my head, I'd enjoy that more.

*And while I know this will disturb many people, I don't like Charlie Chaplin, The Marx Brothers, The Three Stooges, Laurel & Hardy...etc. I don't really like comedic movies much either, though I will watch them. Yes to romantic comedies, no to movies like 'Black Sheep', 'Happy Gilmore', and 'Old School'.

*That said, it is understandable then, that I am still one of the biggest horror fans...ever.Guess I never grew out of that. Don't plan to, either.

*Something else on tv that grates my nerves? Reality shows. Why the F*** would I want to watch random people go about their daily lives? I don't care if someone's car is repo-ed, nor do I give two licks about a couple raising eight kids (subsequently getting divorced in the middle of the season!). Also don't care about people getting arrested, voted off the island, married on a rollercoaster, eating giant spiders to win a contest, or finding the next top model.
Ditto jungle living contestants, slutty LA chicks sleeping with their best friend's boyfriend, finding the next ho-bag for an aging rock star, or watching a guy neck with twenty different girls till he finds the one of his dreams. Ew.
I don't believe shows like American Idol should actually be classified as reality shows. I would call them talent competitions. Somewhat different. And the Biggest Loser show? At least it motivates people to do something good.
And I agree that shows like Deadliest Catch, American Chopper, and Miami Ink are slightly different in that everyone has an actual talent or job to do. They showcase something.
Kinda like Wild Kingdom did, you get my drift?
But all those other shows? Junk.


*Politics are disturbing, irritating, and unpleasant. That will never change. Neither will politicians.

*I never learned to play poker.

*Cats are smarter than most dogs. You can yell and scream at a dog - even slap him silly (not that I would EVER do that, cause I wouldn't) - and he'll come right back to you. People call that loyalty. I call it stupidity. Would you do that? Try even raising your voice at a cat - not only will you be ignored, but they will hold a grudge. Like I said, smarter.

*Eight glasses of water a day is impossible unless you're working on the road crew or some kind of hard labor. Eight glasses of Mountain Dew? Not recommended but highly do-able (or should I say 'Dew-able'?)

*Tabloids at the supermarket never change. Weekly World News is still reporting about that alien spaceship found in the Mohave Desert. You know, the one with the likeness of Jesus on the side? The one Elvis has apparently been hiding in for the last 32 years. OY! Stop the madness!

*Most sports cannot hold my interest. The few exceptions are football (Go Steelers!) and my unbridled passion (like that one?) for Thoroughbred Horseracing.
Like I said, I can't play poker - but I can hit a Kentucky Derby winning longshot at 50-1. I shit you not. Case in point: Mine That Bird. 5-2-09.

{Oh, and I did watch the last several sets of the Men's final at Wimbledon this year. Rooted for Roddick. I've never watched tennis before but it was freakin' awesome.}

*I don't like swimming pools. Not really. I abhor above ground ones - most people that get them cannot afford in-ground ones, and their backyards are all too freakin' small to have that kind of monstrosity in it anyway. I can think of at least five pools in the town where I live that absolutely dwarf their yards into postage stamps with the addition of pools. And no, your deck all the way around it doesn't make it any better. Contemptible and silly.
In-ground pools are nice, but come on - people pee in those too.

*I like rain. Thunderstorms are cool. Snow is swell. Most precipitation is okay in my book. Except maybe ice balls. I can do without falling ice of any kind. But rain? I find it quite soothing. Granted, we've had a real boatload (no pun intended) of it this summer, but generally I like a nice rainy day. And thunderstorms are amazing.
You can keep the high winds though. Gotta draw the line somewhere.

*The older I get the more I appreciate life. I don't think this is some great revelation on my part. It's a shared sentiment all over the world.
But I've also gained more sarcasm than I will ever be able to use in one lifetime.
So thanks for letting me get rid of some.