...And they said it wouldn't last.

Happy Valentine's Day to all.

For me, it's not just V-Day, it's my wedding anniversary. The hubby and I have been married 20 years today. Yay for us!

When we first got together, well - when we moved in together (ah, the sacrilige!) everyone - in particular most of my family-(sorry guys but that's true) thought it wouldn't last. They didn't trust me enough to realize I knew what the hell I was doing.

So to them, I have only one word. HA!

Okay, two more....So there.

Anyway, we started dating back in the fall of 1986, moved in together in February of 1989 and got married Valentine's Day 1990 in the living room of my grandparent's house. And contrary to some former co-workers beliefs, the baby never came. Hope you're not still waiting on that one.
Matter of fact, we decided against children. A decision I have never regretted and I hope Todd hasn't regretted too terribly. So it's just been us.

Twenty years of just us.

So how does one keep a marriage going that long? For many years I didn't feel "qualified" to answer questions about relationships, but holy crap - I think after twenty years I can lend some insight from the knowledge of my experience.

You want to know the real secret to our success? Many things combine to make a relationship last, of course... but the main key is just one thing.

Communication.

We talk. We discuss. We rant (usually about other people!). We bitch and complain (usually about other people!). We laugh. We make decisions together. We ramble on and on for hours at a time.

Just the other night we were watching a tv show and he wanted to comment on something so he put the tv on pause (Love that DVR and it's ability to pause live tv!). A half-hour later we figured we should probably finish the tv show.
Sometimes we literally sit for hours at a time - no tv, no radio, nothing - and talk. About anything and everything, including winning the lottery. We envision that one a lot;)
We just never shut up. We always find things to talk about and we're never straining to think of things to say.

If something he does pisses me off by God I tell him. Immediately. I don't let it fester and stew inside me until I'm so irritated I can't speak. Hell no! Same goes for him. We don't hold things inside or keep secrets or just hope we 'take the hint'. So many couples I know don't talk.

It is certainly why many marriages fail. If you can't talk to the one you love, you're freakin' doomed, I don't care how good the sex is, okay?

And I really have to admit, we rarely fight. I guess it's cause we're generally on the same page and pretty satisfied with how the day-to-day life goes. It seems to be the outside influences in our lives that piss us off the most, never each other. Sometimes I feel like our house is a coccoon and it's the only place I feel truly at ease and happy.
On a side note, that crap everyone always says: "Don't go to bed angry" - yeah, well screw that. Go to bed angry. By morning you'll either forget what you were arguing about, realize how damn dumb it was in the first place, or both.

Here's another thing. I'm a VERY independent person. I like my alone time, and don't feel the need to be with Todd 24/7, nor do I speak with him incessantly on my cell phone (which I don't have BTW but I wouldn't even if I did) or have to know where he is at, going to be, or when he is coming home.

But he is just flat-out considerate to me. He leaves me a note, a message on the answering machine, or tells me where he's going to be. He just does. There's no guessing, and I don't beg him to keep in touch - he just does it out of consideration and I do the same. That works for us.
That whole thing where women kept their husbands on a tight leash makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

I'm not bothered if he wants to spend the entire day - hell, the whole weekend - in the garage, working on a car or cleaning his Harley - whatever. I can entertain myself and just cannot bring myself to smother him. I don't understand women who can't function on their own - who have to be with a man in every spare moment - or pine for them continually until they return home.

I trust that he is coming home, and that he is not out gallivanting around with other women. I do not feel the need to know where he is at every moment of every day. He is his own person. I think he can go to the store or get a haircut without my approval.

Trust is a big issue, folks. Get some - it comes in many sizes and it's free.

I think one of the most important things about my lasting marriage is that at the end of the day, he's still the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Okay, so maybe that sounds cheesy or sappy, and so be it. It is what it is. I'm happy and I'm still in love. And I plan to continue the trend.

So after my 'serious' speech, I feel the need to share some of the more lighthearted reasons I'm still married.

***

*He watches my vampire shows (True Blood, The Vampire Diaries) with me.
Really, he does.

*He's quite possibly seen P.S. I Love You (which HBO tends to run on repeat) more times than me...and enjoyed it. Matter of fact, he likes chick flicks, a lot.
But before you think he's picking out draperies, let's not forget his two favorite movies are Braveheart and 300.

*He makes me (the best) blueberry pancakes with real blueberries and always makes sure I have blueberry syrup cause he knows I'm not crazy about maple.

*He puts up with my crazy and unrelenting obsession with horror movies.

* He is great at buying cards - always gets the perfect ones.

*At Christmas, he puts up the tree and does the lights (the part I hate) and I do the rest.

*He lets me sleep in late on weekends because he knows I stay up into the early morning. And he doesn't make me get up to go get breakfast with him. He does get donuts on random Sundays, and I will get up for that. But not before nine.

*He's taken me to the Outer Banks eight years in a row but still doesn't complain.

*He makes up his own lyrics for songs all the time, most of which I couldn't print here.

*He puts out the best spread of cheese, meats, crackers & condiments this side of Martha Stewart.

*If given the choice of buying only one container of ice cream, he'll always get the kind I like before thinking of himself. Except Butter Pecan. He won't go that far...

*He loves to cook, and I let him love it. On that note, he makes the best cinnamon French toast, meatloaf, pumpkin gobs, shepherd's pie and chocolate covered strawberries you'll ever have.

*He always unlocks my car door first, and always tells me to wait in the car while he loads the groceries up in the back, especially when it's raining.

*He looks uber-hot all leathered up and on his Harley.

*We both love American Idol and both feel we could do better than at least 60% of the people on there;)

*He takes care of me when I'm sick. (That's a big one, folks. Big. Huge.)

*He understands my crazy affection for Oliver (one of my cats).

*He doesn't get mad when I get to attend Steelers games and he's watching from home on the couch.

*He puts up with my outrageous amount of flannel pajama bottoms...

*He doesn't get mad when I play Bob Marley's Legend cd twenty times in a row.

***

Okay, so most of those things may seem silly.... but little things are the glue that holds the whole thing together, you know?

May everyone be as lucky and blessed as I am.
Happy Valentine's.

Ode to Oliver

Today's Oliver's 2nd birthday!

So...extra treats for the O-Man on this special occassion.

And a big thanks to the hubby for not only rescuing Ollie, his mom, and two sisters, but for letting me keep my favorite. What a truly wonderful addition to the family. No offense to Biscuit, but Oliver is the happiest, friendliest, most loving kitty I've ever met.

Sorry for the gushing. He's just so sweet;)

Hey nineteen...

Valentine's Day is a bigger day for me than it is for alot of people.
Yeah, I was one of the fools who picked that day to get married on.
In retrospect, it was a completely unwise decision - as while it is nice that my hubby tends to never forget our anniversary date, he can also lump together both days into one celebration -(aka only get one gift or celebrate one day)...
So, in all actuality, I should have picked an October date for our wedding like I originally thought of doing. What a dumb ass.
It's like being born on Christmas. Except you can't help that.

But anyhoo - here's to 19 years of my sweetie and I being best friends in love. (That's as mushy as I'll get in public!)

I hope everyone's Valentine's Day is a happy one!
We're celebrating in typical fashion.
Going out to eat and to the movies.
Movie on agenda: the remake of 'Friday the 13th'. (yeah, I know - how romantic. But hey, he knew what I was like when he married me....)

Have a sweet day!

Milestones

THE SMUG PESSIMIST TURNS 40

A candid photo of yours truly...
I think I'm aging fairly well!

I am now 40 years old.
I still feel 39. Ha.

So now I guess I am supposed to put on the Lawrence Welk show, get a Miracle Ear hearing aid, eat prunes at every meal, buy Depends undergarments, complain about my health 24/7, drive as slow as a turd, listen to Air Supply and like it, and swear at teenagers constantly.... ok, I already do that last thing - but the rest of it- forget it. I think I will be perpetually young. I love ear-busting rock music, riding the Harley, horror movies, driving fast, staying up late and sleeping in even later, and drinking shots of Jim Beam.
Wait, I guess there are alot of old gomers out there drinking the Beam.. Scratch that. (scratch saying it, not doing it!)

*Being forty doesn't seem like too big of a deal so far.

Here's what happened the year I was born into the world:

It was a leap year.

I was born on a friday ( during Days of Our Lives or so it would seem - ha ha )

Johnny Cash recorded Live at Folsom Prison.

The Green Bay Packers won the Superbowl (and without Brett Favre, mind you!)

The Winter Olympics were held in February at Grenoble, France.

Teen singing star Frankie Lymon died of a heroin overdose.

The Vietnam War (excuse me, conflict) raged on - I cannot begin to list the various offensives and battles...too many).

'2001:A Space Odyessy' premiered.

Martin Luther King was assassinated 4-4-68.

The Civil Rights Act of 1968 was signed.

'In The Heat Of The Night' won Best Picture at the Academy Awards.

'The United Methodist Church' was created.

The musical 'Hair' opened on Broadway.

Robert F. Kennedy was shot June 5th and died the next day.

The soap opera 'One Life To Live' started on ABC.

Apollo 7 was launched and was the first space mission to be televised.

The Summer Olympics were held in October (?) in Mexico City, Mexico.

Richard Nixon became the president in November.

The Cincinnati Bengals (NFL) team was formed.

Rachael Ray, Debra Messing, Anthony Michael Hall, Gillian Anderson, Cuba Gooding Jr., Sarah McLachlan, Molly Ringwald, Daniel Craig (007 - yum!), Kenny Chesney, Eric Bana, Naomi Watts, Will Smith, Ziggy Marley, and Owen Wilson are a few of the people born in the great year of 1968!

So, it really was a good year.