...And they said it wouldn't last.

Happy Valentine's Day to all.

For me, it's not just V-Day, it's my wedding anniversary. The hubby and I have been married 20 years today. Yay for us!

When we first got together, well - when we moved in together (ah, the sacrilige!) everyone - in particular most of my family-(sorry guys but that's true) thought it wouldn't last. They didn't trust me enough to realize I knew what the hell I was doing.

So to them, I have only one word. HA!

Okay, two more....So there.

Anyway, we started dating back in the fall of 1986, moved in together in February of 1989 and got married Valentine's Day 1990 in the living room of my grandparent's house. And contrary to some former co-workers beliefs, the baby never came. Hope you're not still waiting on that one.
Matter of fact, we decided against children. A decision I have never regretted and I hope Todd hasn't regretted too terribly. So it's just been us.

Twenty years of just us.

So how does one keep a marriage going that long? For many years I didn't feel "qualified" to answer questions about relationships, but holy crap - I think after twenty years I can lend some insight from the knowledge of my experience.

You want to know the real secret to our success? Many things combine to make a relationship last, of course... but the main key is just one thing.

Communication.

We talk. We discuss. We rant (usually about other people!). We bitch and complain (usually about other people!). We laugh. We make decisions together. We ramble on and on for hours at a time.

Just the other night we were watching a tv show and he wanted to comment on something so he put the tv on pause (Love that DVR and it's ability to pause live tv!). A half-hour later we figured we should probably finish the tv show.
Sometimes we literally sit for hours at a time - no tv, no radio, nothing - and talk. About anything and everything, including winning the lottery. We envision that one a lot;)
We just never shut up. We always find things to talk about and we're never straining to think of things to say.

If something he does pisses me off by God I tell him. Immediately. I don't let it fester and stew inside me until I'm so irritated I can't speak. Hell no! Same goes for him. We don't hold things inside or keep secrets or just hope we 'take the hint'. So many couples I know don't talk.

It is certainly why many marriages fail. If you can't talk to the one you love, you're freakin' doomed, I don't care how good the sex is, okay?

And I really have to admit, we rarely fight. I guess it's cause we're generally on the same page and pretty satisfied with how the day-to-day life goes. It seems to be the outside influences in our lives that piss us off the most, never each other. Sometimes I feel like our house is a coccoon and it's the only place I feel truly at ease and happy.
On a side note, that crap everyone always says: "Don't go to bed angry" - yeah, well screw that. Go to bed angry. By morning you'll either forget what you were arguing about, realize how damn dumb it was in the first place, or both.

Here's another thing. I'm a VERY independent person. I like my alone time, and don't feel the need to be with Todd 24/7, nor do I speak with him incessantly on my cell phone (which I don't have BTW but I wouldn't even if I did) or have to know where he is at, going to be, or when he is coming home.

But he is just flat-out considerate to me. He leaves me a note, a message on the answering machine, or tells me where he's going to be. He just does. There's no guessing, and I don't beg him to keep in touch - he just does it out of consideration and I do the same. That works for us.
That whole thing where women kept their husbands on a tight leash makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

I'm not bothered if he wants to spend the entire day - hell, the whole weekend - in the garage, working on a car or cleaning his Harley - whatever. I can entertain myself and just cannot bring myself to smother him. I don't understand women who can't function on their own - who have to be with a man in every spare moment - or pine for them continually until they return home.

I trust that he is coming home, and that he is not out gallivanting around with other women. I do not feel the need to know where he is at every moment of every day. He is his own person. I think he can go to the store or get a haircut without my approval.

Trust is a big issue, folks. Get some - it comes in many sizes and it's free.

I think one of the most important things about my lasting marriage is that at the end of the day, he's still the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Okay, so maybe that sounds cheesy or sappy, and so be it. It is what it is. I'm happy and I'm still in love. And I plan to continue the trend.

So after my 'serious' speech, I feel the need to share some of the more lighthearted reasons I'm still married.

***

*He watches my vampire shows (True Blood, The Vampire Diaries) with me.
Really, he does.

*He's quite possibly seen P.S. I Love You (which HBO tends to run on repeat) more times than me...and enjoyed it. Matter of fact, he likes chick flicks, a lot.
But before you think he's picking out draperies, let's not forget his two favorite movies are Braveheart and 300.

*He makes me (the best) blueberry pancakes with real blueberries and always makes sure I have blueberry syrup cause he knows I'm not crazy about maple.

*He puts up with my crazy and unrelenting obsession with horror movies.

* He is great at buying cards - always gets the perfect ones.

*At Christmas, he puts up the tree and does the lights (the part I hate) and I do the rest.

*He lets me sleep in late on weekends because he knows I stay up into the early morning. And he doesn't make me get up to go get breakfast with him. He does get donuts on random Sundays, and I will get up for that. But not before nine.

*He's taken me to the Outer Banks eight years in a row but still doesn't complain.

*He makes up his own lyrics for songs all the time, most of which I couldn't print here.

*He puts out the best spread of cheese, meats, crackers & condiments this side of Martha Stewart.

*If given the choice of buying only one container of ice cream, he'll always get the kind I like before thinking of himself. Except Butter Pecan. He won't go that far...

*He loves to cook, and I let him love it. On that note, he makes the best cinnamon French toast, meatloaf, pumpkin gobs, shepherd's pie and chocolate covered strawberries you'll ever have.

*He always unlocks my car door first, and always tells me to wait in the car while he loads the groceries up in the back, especially when it's raining.

*He looks uber-hot all leathered up and on his Harley.

*We both love American Idol and both feel we could do better than at least 60% of the people on there;)

*He takes care of me when I'm sick. (That's a big one, folks. Big. Huge.)

*He understands my crazy affection for Oliver (one of my cats).

*He doesn't get mad when I get to attend Steelers games and he's watching from home on the couch.

*He puts up with my outrageous amount of flannel pajama bottoms...

*He doesn't get mad when I play Bob Marley's Legend cd twenty times in a row.

***

Okay, so most of those things may seem silly.... but little things are the glue that holds the whole thing together, you know?

May everyone be as lucky and blessed as I am.
Happy Valentine's.

2008 memories

So... as the year draws to a close, what about 2008 am I thankful for?

Besides the usual family, friends and good health rap, I thought I would take the time to give props to some of the things that kept me sane and made me happy in 2008...

*The Twilight Series/movie/soundtrack - I would be utterly remiss if I didn't mention how much I have enjoyed finally discovering this pop culture icon.... reading the books (twice), seeing 'Twilight' brought to film, and discovering music acts I didn't know before on the movie's soundtrack.



*Curlin - Despite Big Brown's herculean efforts to win the Triple Crown, I was more impressed with the steel horse Curlin becoming the sport's biggest moneymaker. Team Curlin!


*OBX vacation - What can I say - always a high spot of the entire year! Mini-thanks to the Orange Blossom cafe in Buxton for their stellar Cranberry Orange Muffins, and to Ocracoke Island beaches- simply the best.

Hatteras Light


Orange Blossom Cafe


Ocracoke Island


*My unemployed husband- While most people wouldn't be thankful for that, I am happy that he got the much-deserved break from the hard labor and the bullshit he put up with for nineteen years at his low-down, outsourcing, butt-wipe former employers.
And a extra thankful shout-out to him, because when the wife is away at work... the hubby builds things. Many things! Thanks for my new window seat w/bookshelves most of all, honey!


*Sour Cherry jam from Stonewall Kitchen - Delish! On a crescent roll, a piece of homemade bread - or just to lick off the spoon.




*Bond, James Bond - Daniel Craig rocks my world as 007.



*Oliver's first full year - The little scamp is the world's most loving kitty-cat - and he's mine



*Riding the Harley - The freedom can't be replicated in any other way. Those who know, know.



*My iPod - not a day goes by that I don't listen to my iPod for at least 2 hours. Most work days, it's at least 10. It takes a licking and keeps on... playing the soundtrack of my life.



*'Fringe' - Best new show of 2008, hands down. Makes me miss 'The X-Files' less.



Best returning show? 'Criminal Minds'. Consistently outstanding.


'House' comes in a close second.


(While I'm on the tv kick, thanks for LOST, Bones, American Idol, Sons of Anarchy, Nip/Tuck, CSI, and repeats of MASH, too. You have all made my couch very happy. )

*Strawberry milkshakes from the Dairy Queen. God knows I've consumed a boat load of them.


*David Cook, Paramore and Iron & Wine - Cheers to the first rock winner of American Idol, the band fronted by live-wire youngster Hayley Williams, and the folksy Samuel Beam (a.k.a. Iron & Wine). Mini shout-outs to Ingrid Michaelson, Flyleaf, Blue Foundation, Plain White T's, and The Black Ghosts - all of which I just discovered this year.








*Subway cookies & Mountain Dew - rarely at the same time, but both are always delicious.


*Bath & Body Works 'Twisted Peppermint' cream - cause it just smells so darn good.


*Our new 40" Sony Bravia Flat Screen - my movies look so much better! Johnny Depp in HD - always a good thing.


*Speaking of Johnny Depp - Because they'll never be a day that I'm not thankful for him....

(whoo-hoo!)

*Exedrin - Curing headaches since 1960. More importantly, my headaches since at least 1998..


*My brother's senior recital - A real class act.


*Dexter - My recent discovery of Dex has me contemplating a subscription to Showtime. Almost as much as True Blood makes me want to get HBO. Thank heavens for Netflix.



*Netflix - See above. Keeping me satisfied 24/7, 365.



*The Pittsburgh Steelers - Say it with me, people: The. Best. Defense. In. The. NFL. (period)


*'Supermassive Black Hole' by Muse - Mini-thanks to Stephenie Meyer for introducing me to this song. It just makes me rock out. My favorite song of the year.
Runner up: Decode by Paramore




*My hubby's Shepherd's Pie - the main reason for my 10 pound weight gain when my hubby was off work.



*Bloodhorse.com - Keeping me in the know about my addiction to Thoroughbred Horseracing.
My most visited website.




*Vampires - Because this was the year of the vamps. 'Bout time they get their due, those blood sucking leeches. Face it, they suck (but in a good way;)

Is it just me, or are vampires getting better looking??

*Books: I've read way too many to name here - but a few faves might include the aforementioned Twilight Series, Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson, Sweetheart by Chelsea Cain, 99 Coffins by David Wellington, The Road by Cormac McCarthy, Hex Marks the Spot by Madelyn Alt, Bitten & Smitten by Michelle Rowan, The Diplomat's Wife by Pam Jenoff, Dead Until Dark (and the rest of the Sookie Stackhouse series) by Charlaine Harris...

*DVDs: a few of my favorite dvd rentals/purchases from this year: 30 Days of Night, P.S. I Love You, The Other Boleyn Girl, Rogue, Iron Man, The Strangers, Atonement, I Am Legend, The Mist, The Visitor, and The Dark Knight...

And as far as movies on the big screen: Loved Twilight (of course) and Quantum of Solace. Liked The Ruins and Nights in Rodanthe, Tolerated Saw 5.


See? I have alot to be thankful for this year - how about you?

Lost traditions...

When my cousin Jackie posted on her blog about her favorite holiday traditions, it got me thinking of mine, and one of my most cherished traditions is one I don't practice anymore.

Anyone who knew my Grandfather Headley (and that's ALOT of people!) knew how wonderful he was. Everyone loved him. He really was just an all-around, genuinely great guy.

While I miss Grandpap year round, I especially think of him this time of year, because he loved Christmas so much.

We had a very close relationship, the two of us. Now, I don't want to upset his other grandchildren, as he loved all of us - but hey, I was the firstborn, and that allowed me some special privileges. After all, I had him the longest. He was my second dad, for all intents and purposes.

For as long as I can remember, he and I would go Christmas shopping together every year- just us. We would go out to eat and then shop, and I'd help him pick out Gram's gifts every year, which included shooing him away from some pretty offensive perfumes and ugly slippers!

Grandpap was always whistling, and when Christmas came, it was a rare occassion if he wasn't whistling a carol or two. The one I remember the most (besides all the religious ones of course) was Silver Bells.

A few years before he died, Grandpap made me a wooden music box - he loved to carve wood - in the shape of a dog. It would go around and around and guess what it played?
Silver Bells of course.

(There is another story about that music box that I should share, but it is more appropriate for Halloween, so take that as you may.)

But my most treasured memory is a quite simple one.

Every year, we would send each other Christmas cards - but not just any card - it had to be a foreign language holiday card. It was always a race to see who sent first. One year a German one, one year Russian - I think one year I even sent him a Hanukkah card! Swahili, Greek, Japanese, Swedish - I think we covered alot of countries in all our years.
It was a silly thing to do and I don't even know how on earth it started (maybe when I started taking Spanish class in junior high - we always joked cause Grandpap did horribly in Spanish when he had to take it in college. I, in contrast, got straight A's for four years of it!) ....

In any event, when I would open that card and see "Joyeux Noel!" on the front, I always smiled.
And he'd always write 'Guess Who' inside in his trademark script.
I miss that, and I miss him.
At least I can hold those memories in my heart.

Feliz Navidad, Grandpap!