Things I've realized

Because next week is my birthday, I guess I've been randomly thinking of some things I've realized in the last forty+ years.

So here goes the meanderingly long, random list.

*Celery still sucks. I remember my grandfather saying when I got older I'd like it, that it was just a "stage". Yeah, well I still don't like cooked cabbage, oysters, brussel sprouts, and pickled pigs feet either. Sorry Grandpap.

*I can still sleep in till 11am, if I wanted to. People always said I'd grow out of that - that I would become a "morning person" as I got older. Not so much. I'm up till at least midnight every night, and most nights I'm reading until at nearly one. I don't nap during the day, I don't fall asleep easily at night, and I apparently don't need much more than six hours sleep. Just lucky I guess. 'Course I'm not good for much before ten a.m. though.

*Unless there is an event of major proportions going on (such as a natural disaster or terrorist attack), I do not watch the news on tv. Sometimes I'll catch the local weather report, but I won't sit and watch the news from 11:00 until 11:22 just to see it. That's what the weather channel is for. I also don't read the paper. CNN.com is my friend in times of need.

*I wish I liked coffee cause everyone seems so enamored of it, but as of today I still don't. So no one need offer me a Café Au Lait or a Espresso Macchiato. I don't even want a plain cup-o-joe, 'kay?

*Most country music still turns me off. I tried to like it. I did. I even went to Wyoming and Montana in 1993, where apparently they've never heard of rock & roll and I had to listen to nothing but country for two weeks. But I still....don't.....like it. There are a few artists I can tolerate, such as Carrie Underwood and Little Big Town, and I actually like alot of Kenny Chesney's stuff (in particular the Jimmy Buffet-esque beach songs of his).... but overall, not a fan of the genre.

*I've never played "Bejeweled" and I don't have any desire to.

*Fresh cut grass still sends my allergies into a frenzy. So Dad, it wasn't just an excuse not to mow.

*I don't really like eating outside. I've come to this conclusion after years of really wanting to be a picnic person. My grandparents always took me for picnics at Cook Forest where we would sit out along the river at one of those picnic tables and dodge the abundant barrage of bees and bugs of all varieties. The only food I like outdoors is stuff over the campfire - hot dogs and marshmallows, that kind of thing - because voilà! - no bugs near a fire.

*I am not a BEER person. Hard truth - I don't like it. I tried. In high school - it was cheap. But I soon found out so was a fifth of grain split four ways. Every once in a (great) while I will order a Corona if I'm at a restaurant or something. But that's cause again, it's cheaper than ordering a shot of bourbon or a glass of wine for eight dollars.

*Unattractive people who are stars (be it movies, tv, sports, musicians, etc...) still get bombarded with indecent sexual proposals and offers. They have to beat people off with a stick. I mean, Michael Phelps? Seriously? John Mayer? Really? Maybe I just don't like guys with Frankenstein heads.
Do people honestly have posters of these guys in their room, in lieu of say - Johnny Depp (sorry he's my go-to guy) or even Robert Pattinson (who he himself does sorta have a Frankenstein head truth be told)....?
I know their accomplishments are what is so impressive. I'm not doubting that- I'm equally impressed with gold medals and Grammys. What I'm doubting is the amount of sleep I would be able to obtain with a poster of Michael Phelps looking at me across a room.

*I'm an obsessive person. Everyone who knows me knows this overly-obvious fact. It shows in alot of what I do. But even in the privacy of my own home, I am the same way. Ask my husband. I become obsessive about things at the drop of a hat. If I see a movie, say - Mamma Mia - I will suddenly listen to ABBA for three weeks non-stop. If I find I like white pizza better than red, I will order it exclusively for a month. When I discovered the author Laurell K. Hamilton, I read all seventeen of her vampire books in a month. It's just how I'm wired.

*I hate game shows. If pressed, I can only tolerate Jeopardy. And even Alex Trebek gets under my skin sometimes. He's gotten fairly arrogant over the years. Bet he's processed alot of that useless trivia, eh?

*People are annoying me more and more as I get older. I'd like to say I fear being one of those old hermits that heardly ever comes out of the house and scares small children, but hey - I don't fear it. I embrace it.

*To that effect, I hate crowds (well, except Steelers games!). I hate parties. I hate weddings, funerals, reunions, and any other event that requires me to be social. Sorry. Matter of fact, I am positive I could spend an entire month- maybe longer - in my house alone and not be bothered by it. As long as the food held out, that is.

*Your mom and dad actually aren't always right. You know how when you're younger, most adults will tell you that you don't know everything and that your parents are always right. About everything. That's not true. They're flying by the seat of their pants too, just like you. They're just older.

*I don't like stand-up comedians. That complaint does not include George Carlin. He was the I-Ching of comedy. I also like Eddie Murphy's early stuff. But to sit down and watch an uninterrrupted marathon of low-grade stand up on tv? Just put a bullet in my head, I'd enjoy that more.

*And while I know this will disturb many people, I don't like Charlie Chaplin, The Marx Brothers, The Three Stooges, Laurel & Hardy...etc. I don't really like comedic movies much either, though I will watch them. Yes to romantic comedies, no to movies like 'Black Sheep', 'Happy Gilmore', and 'Old School'.

*That said, it is understandable then, that I am still one of the biggest horror fans...ever.Guess I never grew out of that. Don't plan to, either.

*Something else on tv that grates my nerves? Reality shows. Why the F*** would I want to watch random people go about their daily lives? I don't care if someone's car is repo-ed, nor do I give two licks about a couple raising eight kids (subsequently getting divorced in the middle of the season!). Also don't care about people getting arrested, voted off the island, married on a rollercoaster, eating giant spiders to win a contest, or finding the next top model.
Ditto jungle living contestants, slutty LA chicks sleeping with their best friend's boyfriend, finding the next ho-bag for an aging rock star, or watching a guy neck with twenty different girls till he finds the one of his dreams. Ew.
I don't believe shows like American Idol should actually be classified as reality shows. I would call them talent competitions. Somewhat different. And the Biggest Loser show? At least it motivates people to do something good.
And I agree that shows like Deadliest Catch, American Chopper, and Miami Ink are slightly different in that everyone has an actual talent or job to do. They showcase something.
Kinda like Wild Kingdom did, you get my drift?
But all those other shows? Junk.


*Politics are disturbing, irritating, and unpleasant. That will never change. Neither will politicians.

*I never learned to play poker.

*Cats are smarter than most dogs. You can yell and scream at a dog - even slap him silly (not that I would EVER do that, cause I wouldn't) - and he'll come right back to you. People call that loyalty. I call it stupidity. Would you do that? Try even raising your voice at a cat - not only will you be ignored, but they will hold a grudge. Like I said, smarter.

*Eight glasses of water a day is impossible unless you're working on the road crew or some kind of hard labor. Eight glasses of Mountain Dew? Not recommended but highly do-able (or should I say 'Dew-able'?)

*Tabloids at the supermarket never change. Weekly World News is still reporting about that alien spaceship found in the Mohave Desert. You know, the one with the likeness of Jesus on the side? The one Elvis has apparently been hiding in for the last 32 years. OY! Stop the madness!

*Most sports cannot hold my interest. The few exceptions are football (Go Steelers!) and my unbridled passion (like that one?) for Thoroughbred Horseracing.
Like I said, I can't play poker - but I can hit a Kentucky Derby winning longshot at 50-1. I shit you not. Case in point: Mine That Bird. 5-2-09.

{Oh, and I did watch the last several sets of the Men's final at Wimbledon this year. Rooted for Roddick. I've never watched tennis before but it was freakin' awesome.}

*I don't like swimming pools. Not really. I abhor above ground ones - most people that get them cannot afford in-ground ones, and their backyards are all too freakin' small to have that kind of monstrosity in it anyway. I can think of at least five pools in the town where I live that absolutely dwarf their yards into postage stamps with the addition of pools. And no, your deck all the way around it doesn't make it any better. Contemptible and silly.
In-ground pools are nice, but come on - people pee in those too.

*I like rain. Thunderstorms are cool. Snow is swell. Most precipitation is okay in my book. Except maybe ice balls. I can do without falling ice of any kind. But rain? I find it quite soothing. Granted, we've had a real boatload (no pun intended) of it this summer, but generally I like a nice rainy day. And thunderstorms are amazing.
You can keep the high winds though. Gotta draw the line somewhere.

*The older I get the more I appreciate life. I don't think this is some great revelation on my part. It's a shared sentiment all over the world.
But I've also gained more sarcasm than I will ever be able to use in one lifetime.
So thanks for letting me get rid of some.