...And they said it wouldn't last.

Happy Valentine's Day to all.

For me, it's not just V-Day, it's my wedding anniversary. The hubby and I have been married 20 years today. Yay for us!

When we first got together, well - when we moved in together (ah, the sacrilige!) everyone - in particular most of my family-(sorry guys but that's true) thought it wouldn't last. They didn't trust me enough to realize I knew what the hell I was doing.

So to them, I have only one word. HA!

Okay, two more....So there.

Anyway, we started dating back in the fall of 1986, moved in together in February of 1989 and got married Valentine's Day 1990 in the living room of my grandparent's house. And contrary to some former co-workers beliefs, the baby never came. Hope you're not still waiting on that one.
Matter of fact, we decided against children. A decision I have never regretted and I hope Todd hasn't regretted too terribly. So it's just been us.

Twenty years of just us.

So how does one keep a marriage going that long? For many years I didn't feel "qualified" to answer questions about relationships, but holy crap - I think after twenty years I can lend some insight from the knowledge of my experience.

You want to know the real secret to our success? Many things combine to make a relationship last, of course... but the main key is just one thing.

Communication.

We talk. We discuss. We rant (usually about other people!). We bitch and complain (usually about other people!). We laugh. We make decisions together. We ramble on and on for hours at a time.

Just the other night we were watching a tv show and he wanted to comment on something so he put the tv on pause (Love that DVR and it's ability to pause live tv!). A half-hour later we figured we should probably finish the tv show.
Sometimes we literally sit for hours at a time - no tv, no radio, nothing - and talk. About anything and everything, including winning the lottery. We envision that one a lot;)
We just never shut up. We always find things to talk about and we're never straining to think of things to say.

If something he does pisses me off by God I tell him. Immediately. I don't let it fester and stew inside me until I'm so irritated I can't speak. Hell no! Same goes for him. We don't hold things inside or keep secrets or just hope we 'take the hint'. So many couples I know don't talk.

It is certainly why many marriages fail. If you can't talk to the one you love, you're freakin' doomed, I don't care how good the sex is, okay?

And I really have to admit, we rarely fight. I guess it's cause we're generally on the same page and pretty satisfied with how the day-to-day life goes. It seems to be the outside influences in our lives that piss us off the most, never each other. Sometimes I feel like our house is a coccoon and it's the only place I feel truly at ease and happy.
On a side note, that crap everyone always says: "Don't go to bed angry" - yeah, well screw that. Go to bed angry. By morning you'll either forget what you were arguing about, realize how damn dumb it was in the first place, or both.

Here's another thing. I'm a VERY independent person. I like my alone time, and don't feel the need to be with Todd 24/7, nor do I speak with him incessantly on my cell phone (which I don't have BTW but I wouldn't even if I did) or have to know where he is at, going to be, or when he is coming home.

But he is just flat-out considerate to me. He leaves me a note, a message on the answering machine, or tells me where he's going to be. He just does. There's no guessing, and I don't beg him to keep in touch - he just does it out of consideration and I do the same. That works for us.
That whole thing where women kept their husbands on a tight leash makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

I'm not bothered if he wants to spend the entire day - hell, the whole weekend - in the garage, working on a car or cleaning his Harley - whatever. I can entertain myself and just cannot bring myself to smother him. I don't understand women who can't function on their own - who have to be with a man in every spare moment - or pine for them continually until they return home.

I trust that he is coming home, and that he is not out gallivanting around with other women. I do not feel the need to know where he is at every moment of every day. He is his own person. I think he can go to the store or get a haircut without my approval.

Trust is a big issue, folks. Get some - it comes in many sizes and it's free.

I think one of the most important things about my lasting marriage is that at the end of the day, he's still the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Okay, so maybe that sounds cheesy or sappy, and so be it. It is what it is. I'm happy and I'm still in love. And I plan to continue the trend.

So after my 'serious' speech, I feel the need to share some of the more lighthearted reasons I'm still married.

***

*He watches my vampire shows (True Blood, The Vampire Diaries) with me.
Really, he does.

*He's quite possibly seen P.S. I Love You (which HBO tends to run on repeat) more times than me...and enjoyed it. Matter of fact, he likes chick flicks, a lot.
But before you think he's picking out draperies, let's not forget his two favorite movies are Braveheart and 300.

*He makes me (the best) blueberry pancakes with real blueberries and always makes sure I have blueberry syrup cause he knows I'm not crazy about maple.

*He puts up with my crazy and unrelenting obsession with horror movies.

* He is great at buying cards - always gets the perfect ones.

*At Christmas, he puts up the tree and does the lights (the part I hate) and I do the rest.

*He lets me sleep in late on weekends because he knows I stay up into the early morning. And he doesn't make me get up to go get breakfast with him. He does get donuts on random Sundays, and I will get up for that. But not before nine.

*He's taken me to the Outer Banks eight years in a row but still doesn't complain.

*He makes up his own lyrics for songs all the time, most of which I couldn't print here.

*He puts out the best spread of cheese, meats, crackers & condiments this side of Martha Stewart.

*If given the choice of buying only one container of ice cream, he'll always get the kind I like before thinking of himself. Except Butter Pecan. He won't go that far...

*He loves to cook, and I let him love it. On that note, he makes the best cinnamon French toast, meatloaf, pumpkin gobs, shepherd's pie and chocolate covered strawberries you'll ever have.

*He always unlocks my car door first, and always tells me to wait in the car while he loads the groceries up in the back, especially when it's raining.

*He looks uber-hot all leathered up and on his Harley.

*We both love American Idol and both feel we could do better than at least 60% of the people on there;)

*He takes care of me when I'm sick. (That's a big one, folks. Big. Huge.)

*He understands my crazy affection for Oliver (one of my cats).

*He doesn't get mad when I get to attend Steelers games and he's watching from home on the couch.

*He puts up with my outrageous amount of flannel pajama bottoms...

*He doesn't get mad when I play Bob Marley's Legend cd twenty times in a row.

***

Okay, so most of those things may seem silly.... but little things are the glue that holds the whole thing together, you know?

May everyone be as lucky and blessed as I am.
Happy Valentine's.