Have a good one!

Wednesday humor.

Ha!

Shopping with sarcasm

Things I observed on thursday when I went shopping and to the movies.
Sorry in advance, but ranting is my job.




*There are still some people out there that don't realize the left lane is the passing lane. They just put their car on cruise and hang out in the left lane the entire time. Twice thursday I actually passed people while I was in the right lane.

*On Route 28 South to Pittsburgh, there were four - count 'em, four - places where there were "End Road Construction" signs only to be followed in less than five seconds by another "Begin Road Construction" sign. Please tell me why they don't just place a sign that says "Eternal Road Construction" at the entrance to the South 28 exit. And keep in mind I only went as far as Tarentum, so there are no doubt four more signs (or more) on the remaining 12 miles into the city itself.

*Would it be entirely rude to outright slug those lotion hockers at those kiosks throughout the mall? No! You cannot ask me a f**king question. My hands are smoother than a baby's ass already so leave me alone. Damn!

*I witnessed a Middle Eastern woman (in traditional Indian/Muslim garb) buying a book about John Adams at Borders. She spoke with a horrific accent I could barely understand, so I don't think she was actually an American. I don't know why but I thought that was weird. She also bought a lined tablet. Taking notes, perhaps?

*It took two salespeople and one manager to make my Borders coupons go through at the cash register. And the coupons were sent to me directly through the Borders website cause I have a Borders Rewards card. Should I say DUH here or just chalk it up to casual stupidity and incompetence?

*It should come as no surprise to anyone that there are a lot of books about vampires right now. You can't swing a cat in Borders without coming in contact with reading material about the famous fanged folks. (Not that I mind, but wow - what a trend!)

*Did you know Bob Dylan has a Christmas CD out? I'm serious. You just can't make that stuff up.

*Marble Slab Creamery was closed on thursday due to some kind of machinery malfunction. Hope no one lost a hand in the ice cream maker. 'No, that's free raspberry swirl. Everyone gets some, it's today's special!"

*I'm always amazed at the people you'll find at the theater on a random thursday afternoon. The assortment included three teenaged boys (it was 12:45 pm - did they not have school?), an elderly gentleman carrying TWO containers of popcorn and a small drink, a middle aged couple dressed in winter coats (it was 70 degrees out), a 30-ish woman pushing a rather large old woman in a wheelchair, a college aged couple, a guy with a Hulk Hogan mustache, and yours truly. Frankly, an eccentric arrangement of strangers sitting down together to watch Paranormal Activity.

*Speaking of Paranormal Activity, the tag line on the poster says: "Don't see it alone!"
Whoops.
No one reprimanded me (or the other two loners) at the ticket window for coming alone. And I was still allowed to go in. AND, I lived. (Though the nausea I incurred due to the hand-held camera effects throughout the film had me about wretching in the aisles and popping Dramamine - thank god I had some in my purse! - about mid-way through.)
Demons and Nausea - what a combo!

*Upcoming movies that look worth it: The vampire film 'Daybreakers' (the return of scary vamps!)... 'The Road' (Viggo, Viggo, Viggo!) ... 'Disney's A Christmas Carol' (with Jim Carrey in the title role) ... and 'Sherlock Holmes' (I'm lovin' Robert Downey Jr. as the famed detective!). Soooo not worth it: 'Ninja Assassin' and non-movie 'Steven Seagal: Lawman!' (a new tv show coming to A & E this year..... didn't A & E used to stand for Arts and Entertainment?) I mean, WTF?

*I've decided there are no stores in Pittsburgh Mills that I enjoy going into except Borders. I've actually been known to go down there and not go into any stores except that one. I think I've just basically decided that I no longer like shopping.
Except for books.

*As unbelievable as it sounds, I actually heard 'Silver Bells' emanating from the Bon Worth (or Worthless, I rather think) store. Christmas cards are on sale at Borders. The Hickory Farms sign is up at their little piece of Xmas-time mall real estate. All the Xmas scents are out and packaged up all pretty-like at Bath and Body Works. And the Christmas trees are in the windows at American Eagle.
Can we really not wait until after Halloween? Is it possible to wait at least until The Spirit of Halloween store is closed for the season?
PUKE.

*Wal Mart is an ever-lovin' nightmare. Ah, but you knew that, right?
Between the dude that stole the Granny Smith apple I was just about to take to the cart that was resting ever so elegantly against my Jeep when I came back out to the parking lot... that place is a chamber of horrors. I just wish I was loaded so I didn't have to shop there.
Then again, I did just blow $200 on groceries and cat litter!

*There was a guy in the liquor store pushing a cart of alcohol down the aisles. A cart! A quick look from me at his purchases and I noticed he had all the makings of a very good party. Or a helluva hangover. I guess I never realized they had freakin' carts in the State Stores. Wow. I'll keep that in mind for when I buy my vat of wine at the holidays.

*The ride home had me listening to my CD purchase from Borders. And no, it wasn't Bob Dylan.
I have since decided I like the soundtrack to Twilight better than the just released New Moon. But then again, I've listened to the Twilight one about 4,756 times. And just once for New Moon. I am, however, really liking the Muse tune: 'I Belong To You' - very catchy! And the tune by Alexandre Desplat (who is obviously scoring the film) called 'The Meadow' is absolutely gorgeous. More of what I expected from Twilight's score but didn't get. If the rest of the score album is like this, it will be my fave score of the year.


*When I got home, I had to drag fifteen Wal-Mart bags and a ten pound container of cat litter inside. I think that's the part I hate the most. All those damn plastic bags. Each one with like, three items inside.


Okay, rant over.

Stirring up a storm of controversy...

I just heard something really weird.
The Weather Channel is going to start showing movies.

The. Weather. Channel.

Yep, you heard correctly.

Apparently this is going to be their new big thing for Friday nights at 8pm.

I read the lineup of some of the upcoming flicks: March of the Penguins. (Huh?) Deep Blue Sea. (Really?) Misery.

Yes, I said Misery. The Stephen King - Kathy Bates - James Caan fright fest. Hmm. I guess there is a snowstorm in the beginning. But wow, hope the kids aren't tuning in to check the weather for trick-or-treating when Annie Wilkes is slamming Paul's foot with a sledgehammer.

And what will happen to "Weather on the Eights"? Will this be their idea of commercials?

I did hear of one rather appropriate movie - The Perfect Storm. Okay, I get that one.

But Deep Blue Sea? That is essentially a horror movie. Sam Jackson gets eaten by a shark in the first hour, folks. But hey, there is an ocean in it. And frozen ice for March of the Penguins.

May I suggest more appropriate weather material?

How about Twister for God's sake? (Then we could all wonder if it was live or Memorex!)

Dante's Peak? The Day After Tommorrow? Hard Rain? Volcano? Firestorm? Wind Chill? Earthquake!

And if we're stretching? The Fog. The Mist. The Storm of the Century. Groundhog day? The Weather Man? Alive? (The dudes in the plane crash who had to resort to cannibalism...yeah, it would have helped tenfold if they hadn't have been stuck in the freakin' snow-covered Andes!)

How about Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs. Naaah, too new.

Or try these other ones for the kids: Eight Below. Cool Runnings. Snow Day. Alaska. Arctic Tale....
Hey! The Wizard of Oz had a great tornado.
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - a superior maelstrom if I've ever seen one.

You like romance? Hell, Nights in Rodanthe had a hurricane. Lots of rain during the best part of The Notebook, girls. A couple got struck by lightning in Sweet Home Alabama for God's sake. Now that's something you don't see every day, am I right? And I think it snowed somewhere during the course of When Harry Met Sally.

Some of the aforementioned movies above are horror. In addition to those, it rained throughout a greater portion of I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, didn't it? Bad weather impairs ALOT of people in horror. It was raining to beat the band when most of the counselors in Friday the 13th got killed. Ditto that for the end of Poltergeist. All those dead bodies in the mud.
Lotta rain in Psycho, too. Poor Marion never would have went off the road to the Bates Motel if it hadn't have been raining cats and dogs.

That family in The Hills Have Eyes would have faired so much better if they hadn't have been stuck in the desert heat. Oooo, and I almost forgot the mega snowstorm in The Shining. And The Thing. And 30 Days of Night. And The Last Winter. Do we include Jaws and Open Water because of the ocean? The sci-fi flick Sunshine? I mean hey, the earth was going to crash into the sun, people. Big news.

On that note, I used to know what the weather channel did last summer.

They told you the everlovin' forecast, that's what they did.

And if these movies aren't going to star Jim Cantore and Mike Bettes - I simply don't want to see them.

A random footnote: Sadly, I think I own quite a few of those movies listed above.

I'm so pathetic.

Lambert + Mega Movie + big hit x2

Just heard the 'to-be-released' song by Adam Lambert for the upcoming disaster flick 2012.
Sounds like it has the potential to be one of those "Man, am I really sick of that song" songs.
But so far, I like it.
And the movie looks tempting as well.
Check it out:



Clip courtesy : www.ew.com

Just a Saturday laugh

For all you romance novel devotees:



Bwaahahaha!

I found a bunch of these, so this is perhaps first in a series...

Recommended read...

First off, let me start by saying I'm not easily impressed by Hollywood stars (or any kind of "star" to be honest). Sure, I like the work of alot of actors/actresses, and just like everyone else, I follow along with their movies and all the unfortunate quips about their personal lives. After all, it's plastered all over the magazines at the checkouts, on the internet like a virus, and even on the National news when they think it merits attention.

But I'm not one to have a strong emotional response of any kind by a certain actor. (Well, except in the case of Johnny Depp, but I think you all are well aware of that addiction - and the emotional response for that matter!)

Fame is fleeting, and most actors (and by that I mean actresses as well) are utterly ridiculous. Complaining about their pay when they make hundreds of thousands - and even millions - of dollars for their work. (Hello? You're entertainment. You're not curing cancer or finding the remedy to rid the world of pollution.) Buying a purse for four thousand dollars or staying in ten-thousand-dollar-a-night hotel suites when most people could live off what actors spend on milk bones for their dog each year!
Let alone the promiscuity that begets the entire Hollywood scene. Seems someone's marriage is breaking up due to someone else's infidelity on a daily basis. Ugh.
My admiration is short-lived for people like that.

However, a select cluster of actors does have my respect. Such as Paul Newman (married over fifty years? Unheard of), Tom Hanks (long marriage, fantastic career choices on most counts), Johnny Depp (though quite a hellion in his younger years I have to admire his eccentric personality and devotion to only making the films he wants to), Clint Eastwood (well...it's CLINT, people.), and Leonardo Dicaprio (who, for a relatively young actor he hasn't had any of the tabloid crap and is a fantastic actor). As far as actresses, I'd go with Meryl Streep (for obvious reasons), Kate Winslet (superb choices, stellar acting), and Reese Witherspoon (who despite a rather public divorce still seems to be a genuinely decent person).
I'm sure there are others.

But to bring this long preamble to a close, what I'm trying to say is that alot of people in Hollywood (and by that I am speaking of NYC and everywhere else) are fickle, money-hungry, fame-seeking, embarrassingly unstable individuals.

So when I find someone whose acting I enjoy and whose personal choices I respect, I'm jazzed.

I've always liked Patrick Swayze. Loved his movies and had great respect for his long marriage (lengthy by even regular standards, not to mention Hollywood).
Not long ago on this very blog I waxed poetic about his accomplishments in cinema after his untimely death.
Knowing he had been writing an autobiography in the months before his death, I knew it was something I would want to pick up. Sadly, it was published post-mortem - but that only makes the tome more poignant and meaningful in my opinion.

"The Time of My Life" is written by Patrick and his wife of 34 years, Lisa Niemi. It is the story of his life, as one would assume.

Some of the highlights:

*Patrick was a Texas high school football star and was sitting on a possible college scholarship when his knee was ripped to shreds in a nasty hit. He was in a hip to toe body cast for months.

*He rehabilitated and then focused on gymnastics - intending to go on to the Olympics - but his knee wouldn't hold out.

*His mother was a famous dance instructor and had her own studio in Houston. Patrick danced from the time he could walk. He had every intention of having a ballet career and lived in NYC most of his early twenties, studying at a famous studio and making a life with Lisa, also a dancer.

*He met Lisa at his mother's dance studio when she was 15 and he was 18. She totally ignored him...at first.

*It was only when he turned down a lucrative ballet job (and an opportunity to dance alongside Mikhail Baryshnikov no less) due to his knee that he started to seriously consider an acting career.

*He has a passionate love of horses, and has even shown Arabians professionally until his fame from Dirty Dancing made it impossible to continue. He has also bought several of the horses he rode in various movies, including Red Dawn and North & South.

*His nickname from the time he was a small child was "Buddy" - his father was also called Buddy, so Patrick was "Little Buddy" for years.

*At one point in L.A., he and Lisa were so broke they had to survive on peanut butter sandwiches and oranges off a tree in their backyard.

*He was known for elaborate pranks on set.

*Lisa traveled with him to most movie sets over the entire course of his career - both because he wanted her there and in some cases she was also acting, or helping with choreography.

*Ironically enough, the small role he had in an episode of M*A*S*H was about a soldier who finds out he has cancer.

*His mother found out about Patrick's cancer from a National Enquirer reporter on her doorstep.

*His ranch near L.A. is called "Rancho Bizarro". He also owns another in New Mexico.

*He and Jennifer Grey both starred in Red Dawn - years before Dirty Dancing would catapult them both into super-stardom. She actually didn't like him much till near the end of the Red Dawn shoot.

*Patrick wrote 'She's like the wind' way back in 1979 - so when it hit the charts as a number one single in 1987 and someone else tried to take credit for writing it and sue him, Patrick had only to find the demo recorded back in '79 to set those claims to rest.

*He explains just exactly what a 'gender bender' is, and how much he hated it.

*Contrary to popular belief, he did not wreck his airplane in 2000 because he was drinking. He had hypoxia caused by a change in cabin pressure. He nearly died.

*He filmed the entire season of the recent AMC drama 'The Beast' while undergoing chemotherapy, also refusing to take pain killers while on set because he thought it would interfere too much with his acting and take away (or perhaps give him?) his edge.

Seeing as how I read (almost exclusively) horror/paranormal/fantasy and mystery/thrillers, I found this book refreshing, interesting, funny, and finally - ever so sad.
Actually, just reading the prologue (which includes prefaces written by both Patrick and Lisa) had me tearing up. Books never affect me like that - not enough to cry. But knowing that he lost his fight just weeks ago, it was kinda tough to take.

For me, there were so many reasons to enjoy this book. Tidbits of life on a movie set provide an insight you've probably never heard before, his open and honest feelings on his love of family just pour out, his great passion for horses is brought up throughout the book - obviously having a profound effect on his life (hell, there's a horse on the cover!), and most of all - his enthusiastic and lasting love for his wife comes through literally on every page. They had alot of tough times but they made it work, and work well.

Overcoming adversities at nearly every step, Patrick Swayze had an eventful, inspiring life. I'm generally not too keen on autobiographies, but this one I can recommend in a heartbeat.